


before ( you were a walking war )

by serendipitys



Category: Outlast (Video Games)
Genre: College!AU, Eddie slowly getting better n shit bc of Way, Heteronormativity, Inner Homophobia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre!Asylum, Schizophrenia, There isn't too much romance at first despite the themes given lol bear w/ me, Unstable!Eddie, or......romance in general.lol, sort of ... in a way lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-07 21:27:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10369821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipitys/pseuds/serendipitys
Summary: you were a tragedy, wrapped and a prisoner to the roses’ veins / but I wanted to write the sequel about me pulling those prickling thorns out of your skin and replacing them with sunflower seeds.





	1. 00 : in memoriam of i : a walking , deceased tragedy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life for Eddie Gluskin was, quite frankly, not exactly the best. Okay, to put it in a more eloquent manner: life, reality rather, was shit and had completely fucked him up in the ass. He's always had predator's eyes gazing him with vigor hunger and anger. He feels like a child in an adult's body.
> 
> Thus, he concludes, the solution is to become the predator and make them the prey.
> 
> Then Waylon Park comes in to convince him that _that_ isn't the right answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _aka , au where Eddie GETS BETTER THAN HE WAS PRE CANON_
> 
>  
> 
> This fic will happen PRE-CANON or before anything in the asylum even starts, including Waylon's contract with Blaire and Miles becoming a journalist and getting kicked out by the company he's in. This takes them back WAY before outlast canon , aka _College_. Therefore the characters WILL and MIGHT seem OOC for they're molding into their characters. Chapters 0 and 1 show more of an intro to the story. 
> 
> This will ALSO handle a LOT about mental illness, specifically PTSD and Schizophrenia. And due to Eddie's past and like, constant imagery about what's in his head and flashbacks, there will no doubt be scenes that may trigger some. Please be wary, I've added the triggers before/after the chapter. This will also handle some diversity thus the characters may speak in their own language, but a translation will be provided as well. That's a lot to handle, I apologize, lol.
> 
> Romance is quite frankly not the main target of this fic. It's more of healing Eddie and leading him to a better path. Mental Illness is not romantic and should not be romanticized, thus the relationship might be deemed as 'unhealthy'. The main purpose of this fic is mostly likely _angst_ rather than fluff. If that makes sense.
> 
> Eddie and Waylon's 'relationship' is HEAVILY based off the song _Intertwined_ by Dodie Clark.
> 
> Please do note me if I portray/write anything wrong. I am very open minded ( or at least try to ).

****TW for several implemented** ** ****_( child ) r*pe & abuse , death , murder-suicide , slurs , majorly_ ** ** ****_  
_ ** ** ****_because of eddie’s canonical past. It’s fine to skip that part if you wish._ ** **

Screaming had always been a normal occurrence in the Gluskin household. Tonight was no exception.

But tonight , it had not been a scream. More of a sheer , blood-curling cry for help.

That’s why on twelve midnight , Eddie was awoken by the said cry. It had unwillingly pierced through his dreams , shattering it’s fragile walls and bringing forth the hideousness of reality : here in his sweat soaked bed , twelve days unwashed and stained with dust from his feet whenever he crawled back in fear of real life. Maybe these bland sheets won’t keep him safe from reality , but they manufacture an ersatz of safety that sufficed for 15 year old Edward.

It was just too bad that they weren’t able to pull him back and tell him __no , don’t go , stay.__

__It’s so much better if you could have just stayed._ _

__So , so much better._ _

Little Eddie dragged his feet with heavy pinballs of sweat protruding from his skin. Anxiously and timidly , he took soft steps into the living room where the sound originated. Maybe they were fighting again. __Again.__ It’s shit that he’s had to add that , and __again__ meaning once more in five or four years of this happening. It’s selfish of Eddie to merely sneak up to take a peak of the scene from their staircase , see how daddy throws mommy to the ground and call her vulgar slurs. Then mommy , helpless and detained in an unhappy marriage , merely cries and cries and buries her face in her hands. Sometimes , she would even turn around and intersect her gaze with Eddie’s , which would make his eyes go wide. Then daddy would scream ‘ __what are you looking at , slut?! ‘__ before looking to where she was looking , but she’d hold him down so Eddie could run back to where he was. She wanted him safe , though he wasn’t entirely , or at least __safer__ than she is.

It was always an enigma how she acted fine the next day.

Even with the ever so slightly visibly black bruise encircling her left eye ( which she hid with her left bangs , but it’s always a failed endeavor for Eddie because he __knows__ that it’s there without even looking ) or cut lips and scarred arms , she smiled when she saw his son’s eyes. Telling him how it’s going to be okay. Telling him that one day , they’ll be okay.

God he __wished__ it was.

Not just him. For them. __Or her alone.__

Tonight , daddy yelled the same vulgar words. He’s memorized it by now technically. But mommy’s screams were louder than before because daddy’s got something in his hands. Shiny. Silver. Metallic. __Sharp.__ Eddie knew what it was.

__Knife…_ _

He didn’t want to kiss her with his lips anymore , it seemed.

Eddie had lost his self control thus. He’s ran down as fast as his fractured legs could carry him , ran down to at least __try__ to stop him but it was too late. He’s shoved that godforsaken object down her throat and slithered it like it was nothing. Soon the screams died and so did she. Eddie regretted his actions , wishing that __god , god! I should have stayed , I should have stayed!__

“ Filthy , __fucking__ slut. “ His dad seethed , anger seeping from his gray eyes ( Eddie was __so__ glad he didn’t own them. ) before shoving her dead body to the floor. Blood excessively spilled from his mother’s pinkish lips , creating a puddle of red to dribble over the white floor. Revolted by the situation , Eddie had lost the energy to stand up and fell to the floor pathetically , chest tightening and heartbeat raising , eyes going wide and hands flying to mouth to refrain a scream from tearing itself from his throat. __Oh god , oh god , what the fuck .__ “ She should have seen it coming. Coming home with fuckin’ hickies from another. Ungrateful , fucking __whore.__ “

Though he’s recently noticed his quivering son on the side , the man on an outbreak was unmoved. “ You see what I did here , __boy?__ “ He says , tone dancing with amusement. Burly fingers dug themselves into his mother’s midnight black hair , pulling her upwards to display her blood smudged and life-worn eyes. Mouth left agape , streaming red liquid. Eddie inched away further. “ __This__ is what we do to these sinful minxes. They don’t deserve to be anyone’s mother. Don’t deserve to be __alive__ , even. “

“ I-I … You … “ Fear choked and cut off every word that wished to craft on Eddie’s tongue. The only thing that left his mouth were undecipherable , muffled whimpers and cries as he trembled like a leaf in a storm. Eyes broadening , left hand raising in hopes to push him further ( a pathetic attempt , __he knows.) “ You … You..!__ “

“ Killed her? I just told you I did. And what are you going to do? Tell the police that __daddy kwilled mommy?__ “ His father clicked his tongue in disapproval , mimicking a baby’s tone to mock his own son. “ Yeah you fucking will. You’re as ungrateful as that fucking slut anyway , __the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.__ Should have fucking known. All those poison that bitch’s been feeding you after all I’ve done. “

 _ _Run.__ That’s what Eddie’s instincts told him to do. But it was hard to do with the impact of his previous fall along with his legs being __so sore.__ He tried to do so nonetheless , but was stopped when his father grabbed his semi long hair and drag him off elsewhere. “ Oh , __no you don’t__ , you little minx. If you __dare__ tell anyone , I’d-- “

__CRASH!_ _

__“ FREEZE! “_ _

Startled , the man unconsciously shoves his son away from him due to panic. Policemen barged in the what was once quiet household along with two familiar faces that seemed to be their __neighbor.__ Yet before they could even reach the guilty man himself , he’d already gotten the knife out and swiftly shoved it down his own throat , killing himself eventually. The blood splattered onto Eddie’s direction , dousing his bear-patterned ivory PJs and causing his heartbeat to grow __worse.__ The said familiar faces gasped , but did nothing to stop him.

There was blood on his own hands too. Blood. __On his hands.__ As if he’d killed them both with his own fucking hands and __god__ does it feel like he did. He should have listened to what his mother said before. __Let’s go.__ But he said no. Said that they should stay. Said that she shouldn’t break the vow because that’s what she told him and it’d be fucking hypocrisy. In the worst time possible he’d __stay__ when he didn’t need to fucking stay.

__Oh god , mama. What have I done?_ _

Black , large dots threatened to invade Eddie’s vision at that very moment. A ginger haired girl ran over to his mother , screaming the words __‘ Vanessa , god , Vanessa! ‘__ like a damn mantra as her husband ran over to his dad. Police surrounded the now dead couple. The woman ran over to Eddie , calling out to his name and cupping his face in midst of him passing out.

“ __Edward , Edward! Stay with me! “__

His bed should have said the same damn thing.

But he did what he did when it __could__ have said so : he didn’t.

-

It had , of course , not been easy for Eddie ever since the __incident.__

The said couple had no interest in taking care of him. Okay , __maybe they did__ , but they couldn’t afford it despite having 3 children. Thus they sent him to the orphanage , but not without sending him to therapy. Or at least _ _tried__ to.

Eddie had been quiet. __Too__ quiet , actually , to the point he never spoke at all and kept his mouth zipped most of the time. He did not dare to talk about what happened to anyone and never used an outlet , thus they gave up on him eventually. Fine with him , because he stopped coming himself midway and ignored all the advice that he __should__ go.

The orphanage was a noisy , rattling place , school was all of that but times two yet everything , as if on a television , was on mute for Eddie’s perspective. There had been nothing for his ears but static silence , as if he’d remove the cable to his television , only displaying dancing pixels of grayscale. And that’s all he’s watching. __Nothing else. Nothing more.__

But somehow , the channel always flipped to __that__ memory.

And thus came the sleepless nights. And when he did __did not__ have sleepless nights those events occur in his dreams and haunt him like never-ending nightmares that wish to devour him whole. The avoidance of almost __any__ physical touch or interaction ( especially with the opposite gender ) and hearing voices that weren’t there , cue the __it wasn’t me! It wasn’t me , god please , it wasn’t my fault!__ at the most intrusive moments. No one liked him. Only pity. __It’s always pity.__

The moment he turned 19 he was sent out and sent to college. An aunt of his kept the money his family owned and used it to pay for the college he’s chosen to attend , along with his dorm and whatnot.

He’s chosen __Fine Arts__ , despite his love for drawing. And painting. And anything art related , __really__ , the only way that calmed him from those terrible times. College was very far from those who’ll ask him about his health and those who showered him with never ending pity. ( But it’s not like he answered them anyway , so it didn’t really matter. ) Eddie didn’t like it one bit.

But this. __This__ is only the beginning.

-

 _ _Edward Lucas Gluskin.__ That was written on this mint green card and underneath that was the word __STUDENT__ in small caps underlined in a blue color. Underneath , the school name and random numbers he soon learned were his number something. He couldn’t care less. Along with that , his birthday ( on the 25 th of October ) and nationality ( __Polish__ ) . He didn’t see why these were needed. They were redundant to his eyes.

Yet next to that , his photo : lips drawn to a thin line , stoic expression splashed all over his features. He looked … __Neutral.__ Mad in a way , kind of intimidating. Eddie grunted heavily , shoving the said card back to his wallet and wallet back into his navy blue bag before entering the building.

It was … Noisy. He didn’t really know what he’d expect in the first place , since college was basically filled with the __same__ students as highschool. Except taller. Older. Maybe more mature , but he’d like to bet on that. He’s twenty years old but he feels like he’s still a poor , little abused kid trapped in an adult body.

__Oh god._ _

His chest is starting to tighten again. __No no no , please not now , not now , not now--__

“ Hey. “ A voice from behind speaks , causing him to jump slightly from his feet. He’s got this overly-frightened expression dangling on his face , causing the boy behind him along with the girl he’s with to look at him weirdly. “ Uh … __Excuse me?__ “

Soon regaining his senses , Eddie didn’t utter a word but moved away. The said couple walked in together , throwing occasional glances that the boy deemed as uncomfortable ones every once in a while before whispering to one another. A bubble of agitation soon began to grow in his chest , but he calmed himself down before he could perform anything hostile. __Keep it together , Gluskin.__ __Mama taught you better than this.__

__God , mama…_ _

Fists crawled into balls. Lower lip detained between teeth.

__What am I supposed to do without you?_ _

Taking a deep breath , the man continued on and walked into the building further. The place smelled of a peculiar mix of coffee and cigarettes , causing him to go uneasy. There were some students still waiting at the sides of the vending machines and others heading to their lockers. Others have decided to come to class already. Eddie felt so lost , he wasn’t keen on what he wants to do first.

He just wants to go home.

And by __home__ he meant his one-man dorm , which smelled of __roses__ because god did __mom__ smell like roses and that’s the only scent that could calm him down and make him feel safe.

__He’s just hurting himself further , isn’t he?_ _ __  
_ _

He decides that he should at least go to his locker first. It was number … __Two six seven nine.__ Two thousand six-hundred seventy-nine. That’s somewhere here , __right?__ His first class doesn’t start until nine anyway , and it was still eight. He has time to look , doesn’t he?

He wishes he could. He’s afraid he might spend his time standing on one place and overdosing himself with anxious thoughts and paranoia that he won’t get __anywhere.__ He’s managed to pass highschool , __he can do this.__ The words of reassurance he’s been repeating to himself were like a broken record , an endless mantra that did not even do a single dent on a metal wall.

Squeezing in a sea of students wasn’t easy. There was occasional bumps here and there and a few curses flicked at him but Eddie tried to not let it get to him that much. There was , __however__ , one encounter that stood from the rest…

It started out soft. A muffled ‘ __hey!__ ‘ from the crowd , and the black haired man assumed that it wasn’t for him. Perhaps someone else. Why would anyone call him? He was a stranger , no one would call a stranger. But the screaming grew more and more louder and it feels like it’s coming nearer to him , soon enough it dissolved to an ‘ __Edward!__ ‘ in a way that reminded him of 5 years ago how that ginger haired girl called him several times , saying that she __demanded__ answers on how __Luke slaughtered Vanessa__ and why. Saying that it was in a way , his fault , for not running away with his mother in the first place. Saying that he was the murderer. Saying that…

“ __Yah , Edward!__ “ And a tap on his shoulder , causing the man to flinch.

“ IT WASN’T- “ He turns around to see a boy , about 5’4” tall maybe , with a cordial expression on his face. Although it melted into a startled one at his sudden yelling , causing __him__ to flinch and back off as well. In his hands , a chocolate brown wallet : one that looked like __his.__ And god , he thinks that it __was__ his. Knowing he meant no harm , and those voices weren’t owned by what he first thought , his volume’s lowered down and so did his heart pace. “ … _ _Me.__ “

A confused expression is now on the boy’s face. He’s got freckles , Eddie now notices. There’s scattered all over his face , which reminds him of that one time when he was three and he accidentally spilled the small bottle of glitter all over his art work. Ended up looking like stars and he liked it. __Yeah.__ That’s what they looked like. Stars.

Other than that , these large , red round glasses that did nothing to hide his bluish-green eyes. It held a bright gleam that reminded him of something vaguely familiar , although he was unable to put two on two and state what __exactly.__ A small , unsure smile grows on this boy’s face , and Eddie must also note that when he smiles he’s got his tongue poking out ever so slightly between his teeth. “ Uh … You kinda __dropped__ this… “ He says sheepishly , almost __scared__ but he can tell that he’s trying to act like he was not scared. For the sake of not offending him , and it’s __not__ working. “ You have your picture in your ID. I think you dropped in the moment you walked in because __um…__ You forgot to , er , __zip your__ bag… “ And then , timidly , he points to his bag. And it __was__ unzipped. “ Sorry if I kinda had to look in your wallet. I had to make sure! “

Eddie was lost for words. He’d never been one for interactions , especially in highschool , so conversations weren’t necessarily his thing. “ Um. “ He started awkwardly , gently grabbing the said wallet from him and tucking it in his bag before __zipping__ it alas. “ …Ah , thank you , I suppose. “

The smile’s grown further , like a sunflower awakening underneath sunshine. “ Oh , it’s no problem! And uh , I forgot , but __annyeo-__ No wait , I meant __hi!__ I’m Waylon. And you’re … __Edward__ , right? “

 _ _Great.__ This one was the contrast of him , he’s talkative but Eddie didn’t want to seem impolite. That’s __also__ the contrary of what his mother taught him. __Dammit , morals.__ “ …Eddie. Eddie’s a quicker name , dear. “ He wants to bite back the endearment but he can’t. He’s got his mother’s tongue and he couldn’t help himself. “ Uh .. It’s nice to meet you I guess , __Waylon …__ ”

“ __Park.__ “

Eddie’s head swivels upward , thick brows arching in confusion. “ Excuse me _ _?__ “

“ Oh! Park , that’s my surname. Not the place with the green grass and all that, “ He says this with a small chuckle , and it’s the same kind of velvet , soft chuckle that his mother has. “ I’m Korean , that’s why. Half Korean , actually , that explains the foreign slip up. You’re from … “

“ Poland , yes. “ Eddie finishes , suddenly forgetting his purpose. His responses are brief and part of him wants to get out of this conversation but Waylon was too kind to be shut off just like that. Part of him cares and the other part __doesn’t__ and the unknown part of him doesn’t know who to trust. “ Never … Been there , though. Only know of the language , mot… “ __Don’t speak of her to some guy you just met.__

“ Ah .. Yeah! Your ID said so as well , I should have guesse- “

“ __Waylon!__ “

Another voice cuts off the two. The duo turns over to the voice’s origin and sees a tall brunet with a thin figure , hand over his hip and his left foot taps impatiently on the ground. On his face ( Eddie __must__ say that his cheekbones are very much visible , and so were the eyebags hanging beneath his brown eyes ) was an annoyed expression , mouth ensuing a very loud ‘ __tsk__ ‘ to emphasize his annoyance. “ Oi. I’ve been looking __everywhere__ for you , you can’t just leave me like that. “

A nervous laugh leaves Waylon’s lips. “ Sorry , __Miles.__ “ He says before running over to him , then turning back to Eddie and waving him farewell. “ Uh , sorry , Edw- Eddie. Miles doesn’t like to be left alone , you se- “

“ Hell __no__ I don’t. “

He laughs at this. “ --Yeah , __anyway__ , I need to go. But I’ll see you some time soon again , __yeah? Bye!__ “ And with that , he leaves with his friend. He’s talking very loudly that he could hear him from afar , and the way he talks is very exuberant. He hears his name in midst of the plethora of words he’s speaking about. __He’s talking about me.__

‘Miles’ , however , had his thin arms kept in the pockets of his black jeans as he lets his friend rambles , not even responding nor caring from what it seems. Eddie would like to note the height difference , in where Waylon was only up to the brunet’s shoulder. And their clothes contrast , where Miles was full on black from his fingernails to his trenchcoat ( though he __did__ wear a white shirt underneath that __)__ and Waylon wore pale yet colorful clothes. __Polar opposites__ , like the typical partners in stories he’d read in the small library he used to have.

Now , part of him was glad that he’s finally left. The other part the opposite. The unknown part remained neutral and told him to go back to do what he’s supposed to do and he decided to listen to that part. Yet , as he walks , he notices something on the ground. A little cat keychain it seems , and behind that was a name written in black ink in a messy , print font :

__Waylon Arthur S. Park._ _

The smartest thing to do was to return it. Just like how Waylon did with his wallet.

But Eddie was always one for doing the wrong thing.

So , this keychain was going to __stay__ with him for a while.

In his wallet , specifically.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i was gonna write this LONGER than it is but i was like. u kno what. im tired. it's still the prologue anyway. in the next mayb. miles is a jelly bf


	2. 01 : every heavenly body to shame.

 

“ I can’t find it! “

“ Can’t find what? __Your ass?__ “

“ No , __babo.__ The keychain! __My__ keychain! “

They’ve been tracking their previous steps after their firsts class ended. Waylon went out first and stayed a little while beside Miles’ door just so he could walk with him again. ( As their old friends had said, __these two were inseparable.__ Like a pair of scissors. ) __That__ and he specifically promised his friend that he’d walk with him since he ‘ __hated it when Waylon left him behind ‘__ or whatsoever. __Truly__ inseparable.

“ ‘s just a keychain Way, __jeez.__ It’s not like it’s your damn wallet or somethin’. “ Miles reasoned, a tinge of vexation lingering in his tone. He sighs that sigh that he __always__ does whenever he was annoyed, putting his hand on his hip as the other hand brushed through his very messy brown hair. Eyes watched as his friend continued to pathetically search from underneath the lockers or even in the damn trash cans, scrutinizing almost each and every inch of the area. “ We can always buy a new one, know. __I__ can buy you a new one if that means we can finally fuckin’ leave this place and go __eat.__ ”

Waylon, like a child that lost his favorite stuffed bear, whimpered in disagreement. “ No! “ He whines, once again trying to search underneath the lockers. There was no luck, no keychain: just used cigarettes, old blueberry gum and condom packets. “ It was a special keychain, Miles! It was handmade! A remembrance for __Hae!__ It wasn’t just __some__ keychain … “

Miles still didn’t get the picture. “ So? It’s still a keychain. None more, none less. Doesn’t have much value to your life. “

Annoyed, the blond sat up from his position and glared at his friend. “ It was the sentiment it held, __Miles.__ “ This man __seriously__ lacked emotions sometimes.

“ Eh. Just move on. Who needs a damn sentiment when you can always remember it in your, I don’t know, mind? “ The look on his face was very , __very__ nonchalant. The way he speaks is the same, too , and there is no returned glare. A calm way of arguing.

But Waylon was an arrogant boy. He always stuck close to his own beliefs , pushing away and ignoring every word Miles had said. “ … Not __everyone__ has your luxuries nor the perspective of your own little world , Miles. You didn’t know how much that ‘ __stupid keychain ‘__ meant to me. “ Argued he before returning on searching for that damn keychain , a little bit more __desperately__ now. He couldn’t just lose it , __right?__ It was __with__ him this morning … __!__

He didn’t realize he’s already whipped out a cigarette by now. Didn’t notice how he lights it up and sticks it in between his teeth before puffing out a gray , smoky cloud. “ Hah. Obviously, a lot coming from your reactions. Whatta’re you gonna do about it then? __Cry?__ Oh , please. You’re like , __nineteen__ Waylon. Grow up. This ain’t fuckin’ kindergarten anymore , we don’t cry over stupid lost __Hello Kitty__ keychains we might’ve misplaced due to our forgetful asses. Um , if you __might__ have forgotten we’re , like , c _ _ollege.__ “

The hallway was eerily silent that time. Nothing but the dripping from a nearby boy’s restroom sink and the air condition.

And the silence between the duo was even quieter than that.

Till , __alas.__

__A sniff._ _

Choked sobs that are attempted to be stopped.

Furrowed eyebrows from Miles.

“ Wait. Are you __seriously…__ “

There are tears streaming from Waylon’s cheeks as he shakes. “ __Linnea’s going to be so upset .__ “ He whimpers , like a puppy who’s disappointed it’s, owner. “ __Gonna say that ‘ oppa’s lost the damn thing I made for him. ‘ She’ll be so broken. We barely meet and she gives me one thing and … And I just…__ “

Knowing that __holy shit ,__ he fucked up __bad__ , Miles instantly drops the cigarette he had and crushes it underneath his shoes before running over to his friend. “ Oi , __oi!__ Way… “ His voice’s got that tinge of concern now that completely contrasts with his previous one , which was an extreme __irritation.__ Waylon __may__ be a baby sometimes , __he knows__ , but somehow the literal view of him crying was an image Miles could never stand. “ Hey , __hey!__ Look , you didn’t lose it on purpose now , __right?__ It was a mistake , a __fuck up!__ We all fuck up , __human error__ and all that bullshit. “ __Great. A+ on comforting/calming your friend , Upshur.__

Now crying in an uncontrollable manner , Waylon shakes his head. “ __No … No.__ B-But she’ll … She’ll say that I wasn’t … Wasn’t careful enough , didn’t care about it … She worked __so__ hard on it , Miles. She’s only … __Only__ twelve and I… “

Not knowing what else he should do , Miles does all attempts to shush him and pulls his best friend for a hug. “ __Shhh,__ “ He whispers gently , __silently__ grateful that there aren’t any students in this area ( which was a __miracle__. ) “ We’ll look for it , okay? I’ll investigate everyone in this damn place to find it for ya. Then those stupid missing posters will be plastered on every inch of every wall you see. Heck , I’d post them on the posts outside , too. Just for you , Way. Please stop crying , you __know__ I hate it when you do that… “

He could feel Waylon smiling against his chest. He’s buried his head in there and wrapped his arms around his lanky figure too , and after a while, he could feel vibrations coming from his chuckles. “ __The__ … What’s so funny? “

“ You’re overreacting. Again. You a _ _lways__ do that when this happens. “ He says , pulling away from the hug. Suddenly he’s smiling all again , and __god__ Miles swears to everything that is holy that his smile could literally put every heavenly body to shame. Even with those ugly tears streaming down his face. “ Or are you just making things up to cheer me up? “

Feigning annoyance , Miles lightly shoves his friend away whilst putting on a false glare. “ Hey , I cheer you up and you __tease__ me in return? __Rude.__ “ He chides , but Waylon only laughs in response. Miles laughs as well anyway , but it’s a light sort of laugh. __That’s better. Suits you more than the previous.__ “ But look , __seriously.__ I’ll find it for you since it’s __that__ important , so quit being a __baby__ about it ‘kay? “

Grinning once again , Waylon jumps over his friend and hugs him tightly. “ __Thank you ,__ Miles. “ He whispers softly. “ You really are my best friend. “

Miles does that little __tsk__ , but not without smiling slightly and hugging his friend back __lightly.__ “ Yeah , yeah , I’m the best , __I know.__ Now can we please get up? The floor’s really cold. And I wasted a cigarette for you , __ugh.__ “

The blond nods , standing up from his position and Miles follows suit. “ Well , smoking’s bad anyway so I’m glad that I did. Also , __I’m hungry__ , and it’s still a little while before our next classes , __especially__ yours. I think I’ve wasted so much time on that keychain … “

“ Yeah, you did. “ Miles agreed , wrapping a thin arm around his neck and pulling his friend to follow his lead. “ Let’s go eat. ‘m hungry and I want McDonald's or anything edible. “

-

Eddie was not able to pay too much attention to class today.

All of his classmates were too intrigued by whatever their professor was discussing ( Eddie notes that he has a little bit of an accent. Perhaps he was Canadian , but he can’t be too sure. ) but he was intrigued about __another__ thing. The damn keychain he’s picked up not so long ago. It was purple on the back with Waylon’s name on it , but in front was the drawing of a __cat__ as he states earlier. It didn’t look too professional if he must be honest , especially since the eyes were very out of proportion. The shading wasn’t too keen and very misplaced , but all in all, it was decent. As if a child made it , and he assumed that it probably was.

He’s sat on the very back of the room on the table with fewer people , and none of them seemed to mind him as he let the accessory swing back and forth over his index finger like a three-year-old fascinated by such a little thing.

That boy … Fascinated him , quite frankly. __Especially__ his eyes. They grasped a familiar gleam it seems , one that was __comforting__ and soft to look at. __That__ and his kindness, certainly not what he was expecting coming from his ‘intimidating’ exterior ( or at __least__ he thinks so ) .

They were tasked to bring out their sketchpads after that. Eddie obeyed the commands like he always did in school , but did so shakily and everything felt __odd__ since he was so used to be doing so with his mother’s guidance , __even__ after 5 years. The one he owned already had a few sketches of gowns he’s designed himself , and despite so he’s got a few peculiar glances and stares from his seatmates. Uneasy from the attention , the 20-year-old draws his pad closer to him to refrain others from peaking.

They didn’t have much to do today despite it being the first day. They were simply asked to do a very quick sketch of whatever , which was said to be their __base__ for a painting they’ll do someday. Or something like that , Eddie didn’t quite understand despite being in his dreamy bubble the entire period.

After getting a pencil from his bag , Eddie flipped the sketchpad’s page into a new , blank one. He was not sure of what to draw and decides to draw whatever his mind lets him. The pencil idly dances on the blank sheet gracefully , drawing a small circle and forming the base for his drawing. Soon more details came , and it was a girl with long , curly black hair that reached up to her breasts in a wedding gown , sitting on a stone ledge with flowers in the background. She had a soft smile that had managed to draw a smile on his own face as well.

__Mother…_ _

His pencil seemed to have it’s own mind because it glided up to her neck area and draw very tiny bruises on them.

‘ __Always came home with hickeys from another man, ‘ He could hear his father’s drunken voice , the way he smashed bottles in the living room. ‘ What a fucking whore. ‘__

His grip on the pencil tightens and his hand is trembling , but it nonetheless flies over to the part of her forehead , __over__ her left eye and…

__The way those bruises encircled her left eye. She always hid it with her bangs , or maybe even makeup. Foundation. Eyeshadow. Everything else that could make it go away._ _

Gulping. Breath hitching.

On the right part of her forehead , __a crack.__

__It’s been years and the picture’s still vividly real. The crack she had on her head when he smacked her down. The way it bled , smudging her pretty , pretty face …_ _

__“ … Gluskin? “_ _

A loud , startled sound from the boy ensues as he jumps from his seat. In front of him , his Canadian professor with features dipped in concern. His lips frown a bit , eyebrows furrowing.

“ Class just ended. You’re the only one left. “ He states , but there’s no anger in his tone. Just pure concern. Pure pity , sympathy. His gaze moves from his eyes to his paper , admiring his work. “ …This is a lovely sketch , however. I admire your style , a mix of realism and some sort of __Disney__ thing you got here… “ Then he now notices the bruises , the hickeys , the crack. “ … _ _Oh, my.__ Is this some sort of symbolism? Care to explain , Edward? “

Eddie keeps his mouth shut. Doesn’t even keep eye contact with him , which was __rude__ but God help him , he couldn’t stand it. Suppose the pregnant silence was enough for him to understand because after a moment he says. “ Ah , I see. You’re free to go , though. Thank you for your time. “

He leaves after that , not bothering to wait for Eddie and he’s somehow glad that he is. He hates himself for not even returning a response nor giving a single salutation. It feels immoral of him , disrespectful … __Nothing__ that his mother taught him. He brushes it off however and stands up from his seat , heading to the exit.

The same sea of students piles in the hallway. They come from different classes and thus spoke various topics that all composed a cacophony of __unpleasant .__ Eddie felt so unsafe , too close to reality in such an ocean. He wanted to go back to __home__ , and home to him had always meant an unwashed comforter and the scent of bland sheets. He felt so vulnerable , so fragile and easy without guidance like before.

He’s got his bag close to his chest now to avoid __accidents__ such as the ones from before. He feels like a little kid , really , and despite so he also feels like everyone’s staring at him. That he’s got a million pairs of eyes watching him.

‘ __Yeah , heard it was pretty shit. ‘__ He hears an unfamiliar voice say from the left side. ‘ __Ended up in a murder-suicide and fucked up the kid real bad. ‘__

He feels something bubble up in his stomach at those words. Feels so violated even without physical harassment , feels __anger__ dominating over his system which is why he soon finds himself near the said speaker , fist enclosed around that girl’s collar as he barks a ‘ __Why don’t you mind your own fucking business , whore ‘__ at her. Finds himself staring back at brown eyes that are lined up with fear as they blink several times , unknowing what to __do__ or respond.

“ Uh. Actually , I’d say the same thing to you… “ A boy , the one she was talking to if he may guess , chimes in. There are a million other eyes staring back at him now. __Real__ ones this time , not ones made by his paranoia. “ She was…Talking about a movie. “

__Ah._ _

Chest is heaved. Grip is loosened. Trembles crawl underneath the sheath of his skin as he mumbles a __sorry__ to the female and that anxiety he’s always had begins to devour each and every part of him once again because now everything’s muffled and dark and blurry and he honestly thinks he’s going to go blind. Doesn’t even hear her little ‘ __no , no , it’s okay. ‘__. Doesn’t even realize that his own feet are taking him away and making him run back to __god__ who knows where. Doesn’t even hear the ‘ __That kid’s so weird. He’s fucking crazy. ‘__ From the previous boy , not even the reply of ‘ __He’s mentally ill , give him a break ‘__ From the girl. Doesn’t even hear the rest of the whispers.

No. Just the loud , sheer beating of his heart that feels like a bomb that’s ticking and about to explode. He __wishes__ it was one. Just let him die on the spot , honestly.

He’s in the boy’s dorms soon. Then finally in his blank , empty room.

He does not even bother to remove his shoes when he crawls into his bed. Let himself inhale the scent of the unwashed comforter and bland sheets.

__Home._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _TR : babo = stupid / oppa = big brother if you're female_  
>  or at least according to my research. please correct me if i'm wrong!
> 
> sorry if they seem a bit ooc for now JFLKS they'll grow into their 'characters' the more the updates . esp waylon , he'll be more ' waylon ' by the end i swear
> 
> AND if these chaps are like , more on narrative rather than dialogue OOPS JSFKSHJKFM that's...always been my writing style tbh SORRy


	3. 02 : the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> __  
> ~~i wish we'd met before , they convinced you life is war~~  
> 

****TW & TR mentioned at the bottom of the chapter ( SPOILER HEAVY! )** **

The slipping of sunlight within half lidded blue eyes.

__Ah._ _

Eddie wakes up to calm , warm sunlight gently kissing and drawing circles on his face. His face is pressed heavily against the white pillow he’s held during the entire night , muffling the groans that served as his reaction to the harsh salutation. Luckily , there were not any nightmares for tonight. Or at least he thinks so , he could not remember and would prefer not to remember anyway.

His gaze turns to the walls. They were mostly white , empty , too __bland__ for his tastes. Unlike most of his mates , he preferred not to decorate his with family pictures or whatsoever because he would rather not recall those days. But those were just his walls , his room was scattered with books he brought and neatly arranged them on the shelves along with those rose scented candles but that was that. The artist did not like the view of an empty wall, fearing that his mind would freely paint any horrifying memories or whatsoever on the walls , paint any terrifying memory as it pleases. He needed to fill that emptiness with something soon.

Soon , but not today. He was an artist , after all.

Eddie turned over to the digital clock placed on his nightstand. __Seven thirty-seven ,__ it was too early to go to class so he decides that he should at least __stay__ even just for a little while. He needed time for his self , time to relax and meditate to refrain any more __panic attacks__ from occurring later. He walks over to the bag he’s brought when he first came that contained some packages and whatnot he’s always had from the orphanage , others from his aunt.

In a bag was another smaller bag , a soft , rose gold thing. __His mother’s favorite color__ , because it __was__ once his mother’s and a number of things he’s brought that reminded him of her shows that he’s clearly torturing himself. But part of him tells himself that he deserves every bit of it , every single inflict of pain because it __was__ his fault. His damn , foolish decisions lead his feet to be where he was right now.

To push negative thoughts away was difficult for him , but he was able to manage from time to time. He took the small bag with him as he gently returns to his bed. Inside was old sewing materials and supplies , which he and his mother would often do whenever they bonded. Whenever he held that stupid needle he could still feel his mother’s hands on his , leading and teaching him on how to do this and that. He missed those moments , those soft and gentle times in the midst of his life at war.

He sighed. To reminisce about such things was unhealthy for his mental state , he should stop. Knitting , however , was __truly__ something he did to meditate , his own little form of therapy . He only has two small balls of yarn left , which was the color of the ocean and the color of saplings when they’ve recently sprouted. They reminded him of something , __someone__ , but he couldn’t remember who.

Nonetheless , he begins.

-

“ Jesus fuckin’ Christ , I don’t __wanna__ go to class. “

He hears his friend’s muffled complains as he deliberately types on his laptop. He was too busy working on a commission for a web page that needed to made before this week’s Friday. His proficient actions were in contrast to his friend’s however , who was idly fiddling with his phone in nothing but his black boxers.

“ You don’t have to , y’know. “ Waylon chimed in , __still__ managing to type perfectly even after breaking gaze with his computer screen. “ No one’s forcing you to go. “

Miles puffs his bangs away from his eyes , rolling in the blankets from the upper bunker. “ Yeah , but future consequences and all that bullshit. I don’t wanna end up a homeless idiot. “

The amusement on Waylon’s face is almost offending. “ I’m frankly surprised that you’re even aware of that. “

“ Hey , I’m not an __idiot.__ “

“ Glad to know that you aren’t. “

Miles groans , throwing himself off the mattress and onto the floor. It was sort of awkward to see your best friend in nothing but his underwear , but __that__ was a sight Waylon was too used to see. Not in a sexual way or whatever , they’ve simply had __too__ many sleepovers together.

If there weren’t enough differences between the two , Waylon was aware that his chubby figure differentiated Miles’ lanky one. Although now seeing Miles in his half naked glory , he notices the ribs that outlined over his chest and it was far from a healthy state. He frowns.

“ Miles. “ He begins. “ Have you been eating lately? “

Though confused , he answers anyway. “ Pfft , of __course__  I have. I’d be dead if I weren’t. What kind of question is that? “

Waylon frowns even more. “ __What__ exactly? “

“ …Cup noodles , maybe. Look , I’ve had too many journals to write and practice the past few years and days okay? I didn’t want __inay__ to pay too much. Ya think I got the scholarship out of pure luck? “

“ So you’ve __literally__ been writing rather than eating all this time? “

“ Well , not really. __Maybe.__ I dunno , all I know is my eating sched or whatever’s __whack.__ “ He shrugs as if it wasn’t a big deal. “ Look , it’s no biggie. ‘M still alive anyway and that’s what matters , right? “

“ __Ugh__ , your figure’s not healthy anymore , Miles! You’re literally a walking skeleton! “ He chides , snapping his fingers angrily. “ You __need__ to eat more healthy these days. You’re already unhealthy at both physically and mentally and __this__ won’t help one bit. “

Miles dismisses Waylon’s complaints with one hand , his free one grabbing the hair-tie from a near table before tying his own brown locks. “ Oh my god , __alright__ already. You’re worrying too much again , Way. __That’s__ what isn’t healthy. “

He grunts at his friend’s pathetic attempt of changing the topic and glares. “ It’s what I __do__ , Miles. It’s incurable , and we’re talking about __you__ here. “

Being the stubborn one , Miles ignores his friend’s whines shuts Waylon off by slamming the door , exiting the room.

__Groan._ _

He was __always__ hard-headed , and __that__ was somehow incurable too.

Yet as if the heavens had noticed Waylon’s annoyed state , his phone chimed a small vibration against his leg and the blond instantly picks it up to see what it was. A text , coming from the one and only __Lisa James.__

It’s like all his irritation was melted away like a candle by the bright , scorching flame of this girl. He couldn’t help but feel like a 7th grader with his crush sometimes whenever the topic was about __her__ because goddamn , she __definitely__ made him feel so. He was always a shy boy but whenever he was with her , it’s that part of him but times two. Those stupid cliche butterflies often eroded his stomach and tightened his esophagus whenever he hears her name , and he thinks that he should __stop__ talking about such things as if some lovestruck protagonist in a novel.

Yet other than his hopeless crush , they were very good friends. He was close with her ever since the 7th grade ( though he only met her through the net ) and had a very strong platonic bond , but not as strong as Miles ( because , __as he says__ , their relationship will __always__ stand out from the rest of his friendships with others. Talk about a possessive best friend. ) He swipes his phone open after setting his laptop aside.

 

> __Fr : Lisa / 7:43 AM_ _ __  
> _ _ __Hi Wayway! I hope I’m not bothering u or anything._ _
> 
> __Fr : Lisa / 7:43 AM_ _   
>  __I have a little computer-related problem over here and I can’t fix it same w/ my friends. And well , I didn’t know anyone else who was good w/ this stuff other than u_ _   
>  __Fr : Lisa / 7:44 AM_ _   
>  __So I was hoping if u could come and fix it for us? >< If it’s not a big deal. Our bungalow isn’t far from ur dorm tho , or so I think lmao_ _ __  
> _ _ __Fr : Lisa / 7:44 AM_ _ __  
> _ _ __But it’s fine if u can’t lol. No worries , thank u nonetheless xx_ _

__Oh please , if I’d have to take a plane just to see you I definitely will.__ Just the fact that such thoughts arose from him wanted to make him eat an entire sock.

Though , of course , he __couldn’t__ say no and definitely will not.

 

> __To : Lisa / 7:44 AM_ _   
>  __Hey Lis!_ _ __  
> _ _ __To : Lisa / 7:44 AM_ _ __  
> _ _ __And it’s totally alright , don’t worry. I’ll be happy to help :)_ _

The fact that she replies so quick makes him smile even wider. Not to mention the little heart she adds on the end ( and she __always__ does that , even with her other friends. He’s not special , __he knows__ , but can’t a guy have his own little world when it comes to the girl of his life? )

 

> __Fr : Lisa / 7:45 AM_ _
> 
> __Thank you , Wayway! You’re the best <3_ _

Surprisingly , Miles returns to the room with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. ( Why he returned so quick? No one would know. No one would __want__ to know , either. ) He realizes the cute little smile on Waylon’s face and was __very much aware__ of what was going on , since there was only one person who could manage to make him grin like an idiot , anyway.

“ Aw , someone’s got a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ with his crushie. “ Miles coos teasingly , causing the elated mien on the other’s face to __die__. “ __Ayieee__ , who’re you textin’ , Way? “

He crosses his arms , tucking his phone back into his pocket to conceal any truth from his friend. “ __Nonya.__ “

“ …Nonya? “

“ Nonya __business.__ “ Waylon answers firmly , sticking his tongue out.

The brunet does a little raspberry with his lips , yet a devious smirk soon draws itself on his face. “Ooooh , gettin’ smart with me now , __aren’t ya?__ Pullin’ those dumb Disney references , don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing. “

“ But it __is__ none of your business , why do you care? “ He reasoned and it wasn’t exactly the smartest response . Okay , maybe he was being overdramatic here because to say that talking about __her__ was not his cup of tea would be a big fat lie. Yet perhaps his petty reactions blossomed from the previous conversation. __Yeah. M__ aybe that’s why.

He was unresponsive after that and Waylon deemed the conversation to be over. But it turns out that he was very , __very__ wrong after Miles jumps over to his bed , attacking him by throwing his hands around his waist , at the __exact__ spots where he was ticklish , and curse his evil accuracy! Of course , being the sensitive guy that he is , this throws him into a fit of uncontrollable laughter that spills from his lips. “ Ooh , keepin’ secrets from your best friend now , aren’t we? You clearly know how I __feel about that…__ “ Miles says with simpers riding his lips , but his words were drowned by the I.T’s laughter and futile attempts of pushing him away. “ Good thin’ I __exactly__ know what your weakness is _ _!__ “

“ H-Hey! Miles , st- _ _Ahaha__ __!! Y-You’re__ still w-wet _ _!! Aha--__ “ He whines , but __damn__ his skin for being the most sensitive thing ever. He can’t even form a coherent sentence. “ __G-Goddam- Miles!! Staahph!! “__

And alas , being the sneaky little shit that he is , the taller man sneakily grabs the phone in his pocket and standing up after so. “ Gotcha! “ He says , grinning and beaming proudly from his small victory.

The other took a moment to catch his breath from laughing excessively , yet as soon as he realizes he no longer had his phone in his pocket he jumps from his position , and cue the futile attempts to grab the damn thing and snatch it from his friend’s hands. But he __swears__ he and his height difference was a curse brought by the gods. “ The __fuck__ Miles! Give it back! “

The fact that Miles was a tease was __definitely__ a curse , too. He lifts it higher , to an extent that Waylon can’t jump to. “ Uh-Uh! I’m going to find who this mystery girl is , __or guy__ , whatever. “

It was easy enough for Miles to guess what his passcode was. For an intelligent guy , he was pretty __shit__ at picking passwords ( it was measly four 0’s and nothing more. ) which was a __blessing__ to the taller man. “ I’m pretty sure __Lisa__ couldn’t be misheard as __Nonya__ , Way. __Someone__ needs to get their ears cleaned. “ He coos to further tease his friend , smiling a shit-eating grin that Waylon wanted to __kick__ off his damn face.

Taking Miles’ distracted moment to an advantage , Waylon was able to jump high enough to grab the thing back into his hands. “ And __I’m__ pretty sure that Lisa is __still__ none of your business , __Miles. Someone__ needs to get their nose back to their own business. “ He retaliates , and Miles is pleasantly surprised at his comeback since he does that little ‘ __ooh__ ‘ thing to insult himself. ( Damn idiot was __unbeatable__ , he swears. He’s either his enemy or his __own__ enemy or __both__ )

“ __Yeeesh ,__ _ _someone’s__ gettin’ smart now. “ He says , and __someone’s__ underlined for emphasis of the brunet’s amusement. “ Using my own words against me now , aren’t we? “

To say that Waylon was annoyed was not a lie. Well , __half__ a lie at least , he wasn’t too petty about the entire situation but wasn’t too keen on having Miles snoop around his things , either. He returns back to his bed , plopping himself on the green sheets heavily. “ Tsk. You didn’t invent those words yourself , don’t be too assertive. “

Miles rolls his eyes. He grabs a white shirt--Waylon __swears__ to the gods that he has at least a million of those things-- that was simply lying on the floor and puts it on , some boxers next and finally some pants. His hair is still wet but he knows he’ll take care of that later , knowing __very well__ that he was very careful about his own hair. He sits beside Way , schooches closer to him even after he inches away from him with arms crossed and cheeks puffed. “ Hey , hey , that’s not the point. You look like you’re bitter about this Lisa girl , somethin’ wrong with her? Didn’t take you for the type who’d be salty over his love life. How long did you know her , anyway? “

“ Long enough. 7th grade , actually. “ He sighs , finally giving in. His __love life__ was definitely shit , __yes__ , so he rarely talked about it. ( Okay , __that__ was a lie. Or sort of. Talking about your __love life__ and your __crush__ themselves were two different things , right? ) “ But I only met her through the internet that time , and it was just a pure coincidence that we’re going to the same college , though we’ve had real life hangouts prior to such. “

“ The fuck? You met her like , 6 years ago and you didn’t even tell me? “ Miles says , frowning. “ You’ve had a __big__ crush on this girl and you only tell me 6 years later. “

“ I __did__ tell you about her a long time ago , just under a different name because ‘Lisa ‘ is what she wants now. She was Liam before , doofus. I used to talk about him all the time , and the  _ _her__ I’d refer to with my stupid little crushes was still __that__ same person!“

Miles blinked several times , not exactly getting the situation but it registered after a few more blinks. “ __Oh.__ Ah. Jeez , you didn’t tell me. “

“ Okay , but that’s not the point. It’s … Whatever! It doesn’t matter , it’s just me being a shy little shit anyway. “ He throws his hands up as he says this. “ We’ll visit her bungalow or something later. She has a computer problem , you coming or not? “

“ Not like I got anything to do , anyway. And it wouldn’t hurt to meet some new pals __and__ this lil crushie of yours. Gotta see if she’s like , y’know , Miles approved. Or if you have low standards. “ He replies , grinning. He throws on that favorite brown jacket of his before grabbing his black backpack.

The shorter male grabs his own blue hoodie on the corner of the room , tossing over his self followed by his own bag. “ Oh __jeez__ , you say that to every girl __or__ guy I meet. “

Truly a possessive best friend.

-

Class was nothing new.

Their professor assigned their ‘ __buddies__ ‘ for the entire first semester in the current day. Needed to talk about some project that was due next week too. Eddie wasn’t too happy with the deal , despite needing to converse and interact with someone else. He prays that he won’t get anyone that’ll upset him.

“ Edward Gluskin, “ He hears his professor call , and the man has his fingers crossed and __praying. Moment of truth…__ ” You’re with … Lauren Orland. Everyone sit with their partners and discuss what you’re going to come up for the project. “

Pretty name. Unique surname. He didn’t know who she exactly was , not until she walked towards him. She had dyed pale , blonde hair which he could tell despite the visible brown roots. Tanned skin , sky blue eyes. Some makeup. Pink lips , they were __very__ perky. All in all , she seemed … __Alright.__ Attractive even , enough for Eddie’s tastes. She was a very pretty girl. Mother always told him to choose the prettiest girls to have the prettiest children. __Love__ was an idea she often spoke about anyway , along with marriage. Which is why these seeds have been planted well on his mind.

Back in the orphanage , they separated boys and girls. Eddie never liked talking to girls , they were very alien to him. Such a strange concept , he didn’t know how they act. His mind was fucked up and biased on his mother’s ways and words. The __only__ female he could trust. Sweet , loving , gentle , demure , and __very__ obedient to the opposite gender. The man gulped as he saw her approach , needing to put on a ‘ __gentleman ‘__ demeanor as his mother always said.

‘Lauren’ smiles , taking the seat next to him. “ Hi! You’re Edward , right? I’m Lauren. I think you already know that by now. “ She says this with such confidence and such a sweetened tone , contrasting his mother’s soft , hushing whispers whenever she spoke.

Hiding his discomfort , Eddie tries to put on a smile to return hers to remain polite. “ Eddie is a preferred name , __darling.__ “ __Shit.__ The endearments are inevitable now , aren’t they? “ I’m sure it is much more easier for you. It’s … uh , a pleasure to meet you , Lauren. “ He’s still a wee bit awkward with forming proper , polished sentences , but that can be fixed.

He expects her to laugh softly. The kind of shy laugh that his mother did when she met his dad ( or at least according to her stories ) Tuck her hair behind her ear , blush profusely , just be __submissive.__ Gentle , like a girl should be. That’s what’s tattooed on his mind when it came to them.

But no. She laughs , but it isn’t the soft type , it’s more of the __s__ ultry type. She smirks in amusement , elbow resting on the table as her chin lays against her palm. “ Ooh , the __gentleman__ type you are , aren’t cha? Hehe , think we’re gonna get along pretty well. ‘

Eddie would like to disagree. Once again , he veils the uneasiness he feels and stomachs it , not wanting to offend her. There was something about her that made him feel … Odd. Bubbling up this unexplained anger , like a button that’s nearly pushed. __Mama didn’t act like this.__ “ …I suppose we will. “ He lies , and it was a white lie. “ Uh. I assume we are tasked to discuss the upcoming project? I am sure that it isn’t much of a burden , considering that it’s difficulty isn’t too high. Would you like to choose the venue where we are supposed to do it? “

“ Oh , I like your words __too.__ You sound like an intelligent guy. “ Her eyes are flickering with something Eddie could not decipher , yet something in his gut tells him that it was not a good thing. He did not seem to appreciate the rhetorical statement , nor the lick of her lips as she gazes at him. “ But … Hm , I guess our bungalow would be fine … Though I have some friends there , I don’t think they’d be there later. Yet , I wouldn’t mind staying at your place , __big guy… “__

“ …Then your bungalow it is , then. I do not mind if there are others in your place , worry not. I’ll try to let it not to get the best of me. “ He says , ignoring the last few words that left this woman’s lips. He had to dig his blunt nails into his own flesh , and he’s sure there are four crescents engraved in his palm by now. He did not like her tone one bit. Truth be told , he preferred to be __alone__ with her since he wasn’t too happy with an environment with too many people , but with this girl, it seems as he cannot even handle being __alone__ with her. Or that’s just his gut telling him things , he doesn’t really know. Yet these reactions of anger , of annoyance and irritation , he did not know where they had sprout nor where the seeds came from. He brushes it off anyway , ignoring them. “ I hope it is fine this afternoon? “

“ Oh , __definitely.__ They’ll be mostly out that time ,I think , so we’ll probably be alone. “ She says , and it’s like she’s delighted by that fact. “ Mm , you seem like the shy type quite frankly , but I’m pretty sure it’ll cont- “

The sheer ring of the bell cuts her off.

“ Class dismissed! I expect that you’ve discussed enough with your partner. You’re free to go now. “ The professor said , and a part of Eddie was __glad__ that he did.

As if the heavens answered Eddie’s prayers , Lauren gets up from her seat. “ Ah…I’ll meet you outside the building after all my classes , ‘kay? Then I’ll lead ya to the place. “ She coos sweetly , waving him goodbye. “ But I have to get going now. We’ll __definitely__ get to know each other more later , __Edward.__ “ She says his name like it’s some sort of treat she’s going to devour. After waving , she winks and finally leaves. Eddie is dazed from the conversation , an influx of emotions overrunning him.

Not … What he was expecting. She seemed the opposite of his expectations , a __whole lot__ different than his mother. It felt … Wrong in a way , __sinful__ even. There’s this fucked up belief in his guts that tells him she was a disgusting creature for acting such a way. That she was presumably one of the things his father says. That she was a __minx.__

__Don’t deserve to be alive , even._ _

She reminds him of his mother whenever those guys came. Whenever men other than his father came in his house. The way she’d shove her body in front of them , put her hands around their chests and… Do unspeakable things. But he’d like to think that that was __not__ his mother , a __slut__ wearing her skin rather. Her mother could not be such a disgusting creature. Her mother was a sweet , innocent little thing that was pure.

That __Lauren__ was clearly not a woman. A proper woman , at least.

-

“ __Ang init , tanginaaa.__ “ Complained the brunet , hands resting on his nape. His walking and mood contrasted Waylon’s , who was smiling eagerly and walking lively as he reads his phone for Lisa’s directions on where her bungalow was.

Miles wasn’t exactly on board of the situation. He wanted to run to Starbucks or any cafe to cool himself from the heat , but thanks to his best friend’s little crush they had to walk __blocks__ away from their dorm just to meet this ‘Lisa’ girl. He swears his skin’s crying sweat by now , and despite these circumstances, he was annoyed by that eager , wide grin on the blond’s face. A grimace spreads across his face at this.

 _ _“__ Oi, “ He chides , throwing his head back slightly. “ __Mukha kang tanga sa ngiti na yan.__ “

If temper was contagious , Waylon has __truly__ caught Miles’ at the moment because that jolly smile of his fades away at the brunet’s snap. That and he didn’t appreciate his peeved aura infecting his ecstatic one. “ Can you __not__ speak Tagalog when you’re going to insult me? You know I’m not fluent at it , right? “

“ I said, “ Miles responds , clicking his tongue. A wicked smile replaces the one on his face. “ You look beautiful today , Way. “

The other was clearly unamused by his friend’s white lie. “ I’m pretty sure __tanga’s__ a foul word in your country , Miles. “

He wasn’t exactly pleased that he noticed , thus that smile dies in an instant. “ Ugh , you got me. I said you look like an __idiot__ with that smile , dork. It’s so creepy , I don’t like it. “

Waylon rolls his eyes. “ Well , I’m __sorry__ that my love life’s a lot more interesting than yours , Mr. _ _No-Boyfriend-Since-Birth.__ “

The Filipino’s face flushes pure red. “ Hey , it’s not __my__ fault I have damn standards. I’m a hard catch , a prized possession. “

“ Don’t flatter yourself. You’re 18 and __still__ a virgin , boo-hoo. “ He teased more , clearly wanting to push on the other’s buttons. “ Surely you’re not benefiting from being a ‘ __hard to catch ‘__ type of guy. “

It takes all of his strength to not act like a petty wuss and throw back a snide comment at him. It was all __true__ though , much to his dismay , probably due to the fact that he wasn’t one that was too social throughout his highschool days. “ Ugh , whatever Way. We’ve been walking for like __forever__ and we still haven’t reached that damn girl’s house. How come you’re not sweating at this? “

The answer was as obvious as the shining sun. He’s got his hoodie tied around his waist whilst Miles still had his jacket on. “ It’s because I’m not wearing anything with __sleeves__ , _ _babo__. I thought you’d be used to the heat from now on , coming from all your stories when you were back at the Philippines. “

“ I haven’t been there for like , 4 years. My body’s adjusted to colder days ‘s not my fault. “ He pouts , hands now in his pants. “ And I’m not taking this off. I look hotter in it --- Oh , __no wonder.__ I’m the one causing the heat. ‘M not helping global warming one bit now , aren’t I? “

The blond pushes his friend playfully. “ Ugh , please. No one’s agreeing , Miles. “

Soon enough , they’ve reached their destination. The small village where Lisa’s bungalow was located was a bit farther than Waylon expected , but nothing his endurance can’t handle. Miles , however , was a different story ; the panting and heated ‘ __finally ! ‘__ that escapes his mouth as Waylon tells him __‘ we’re here ‘__ can tell that.

Before he could even ring the doorbell , Lisa must have noticed his internet friend by the door. Waylon sees her in her everloving beauty waving at him from the windows after the curtains draw back. She instantly rushes to the door , opening it and pulling him for a hug before he could even say anything.

“ Waylon! “ She greets , head buried in his neck. “ I missed you! “

Waylon , feeling like a man who’s won the lottery , hugs back eagerly as he greets her back. “ L-Lisa! I missed you too , how have you b- “

But Miles , being the oh so bitter __Miles__ , did not appreciate the cheesy setup displayed before him. It wanted to make him __puke__ to say at the very least. Thus , he does a fake cough to cut off their little ‘ moment ‘. Lisa pulls away and Waylon internally curses Miles in his head.

Yet nonetheless , he does what he __wanted__ him to do in the first place. “ Ah , and this is … Miles , I’m sure I’ve talked about him before. “ He says , gesturing over to his friend. Miles merely wave idly in response. “ And Miles , __Lisa.__ I’ve told you about her. “

Lisa was enthusiastic about meeting his friend’s friend, however. “ It’s nice to meet you! Waylon’s told me so much about you. “ She says , grinning and offering a handshake.

Miles ignores this though , wanting to put on a facade that Waylon is __not__ appreciating. “ ‘M sure he has. Y’know , being his best friend and all. “ He says firmly , wrapping an arm around his friend almost possessively. “ But it’s nice to meet you too , Lisa. “ He leaves the __he’s told me too much about you__ behind his tongue.

The tension between his two friends was unsettling . “ U-Uh , you wanted me to fix something , didn’t you? “ He chimes in , breaking the glass of awkward silence. “ Sorry if I had to tag Miles along. He didn’t want to be alone , apparently. “

“ Aw , I just didn’t want to leave my __bestie’s__ side , you see? “ He adds , pinching his cheeks teasingly for dramatic effect. Waylon __literally__ wants to slap him right there and right now but didn’t want to put on such an unflattering image in front of Lisa.

“ Haha , understandable. I wouldn’t want to leave my best friend , either. “ Thankfully Lisa wasn’t too bothered by this , which he was __grateful__ for. But the crippling anxiety in him tells him that she might be faking it just so she couldn’t offend the two , and __god__ he hopes she wasn’t. “ Sorry for not being too specific about it! Uh .. Kinda stupid , but it’s just about the WiFi. I tried connecting it and all that but it still won’t work. I’d call customer service but , __well…__ ”

“ Customer service is pretty shit. “ He finishes , frowning. It was true though , they’ve talked about it several times with embarrassing stories online through Skype. It was sort of embarrassing how he still remembers all of that with clarity , but he tries not to let it get him. “ It’s no biggie. I’ll see what I can do. “

“ Great! It’s somewhere in my room , just follow me. “ Lisa said before entering , beckoning the duo to follow her. Waylon states they’ll follow suit after removing their shoes , but that was a pathetic excuse for some alone time for him and Miles. As soon as she’s out of their sight , Waylon __slaps__ Miles in the back quite harshly as he unties his sneakers. “ OW! “ He hissed loudly , rubbing the pained area and frowning at him. “ The fuck was that for? “

“ What the hell , Miles? What’s up with this jealous aura you’re putting up? “ He sneered , glaring. “ You’re giving me a bad image! You’re giving __us__ a bad image! “

He rolls his eyes like it was no biggie ( and it __wasn’t__ , for him at least ) and returns to untying his shoelaces. “ Hey , look. It’s pretty obvious you’re really into this Lisa chick , and she’s pretty into you too , and if you get a __girlfriend__ you’re going to leave me alone. That ain’t happening , at least not __now.__ “

Truthfully , Waylon would be mad at his petty response. But there was kind of hilarity born from it because he’s laughing soon. “ The fuck’s so funny? “

“ You’re jealous , aren’t you? “ He chuckles , trying to contain his __embarrassing__ laughter ( Miles sometimes comments that he’d literally sound like a __hyena__ ). “ Aw , if you were in love with me you should have told me! Could have been a thing before , y’know. “

Miles hits him with his elbow , grimacing. “ The hell. __Ew.__ You’re like a brother to me , Way , you __know__ that. It sounds like some sort of incest if that happens… __Blegh.__ “

“ Jesus , you’re such a drama queen. “ He grunts , easily slipping off his shoes. “ Let’s go inside. I don’t want to keep Lisa waiting.

The place was fully furnished and had a nice some sort of retro design. It was fully air conditioned too , which Miles __thanks__ almost way too loud. There was a second floor where Lisa’s room was probably located , but Miles was too lazy to tag along. He lets his friend have his ‘ alone time ‘ with his love interest and feasts his eyes on the beauty of the place. __Damn , we should have gotten a bungalow for ourselves.__

Carefully , he sets himself on the red couch ( which had an unattractive amount of pillows ) to at least rest himself from all of that walking. Yet strangely , it seems that these pillows had a voice and were actually __livin__ g because the moment he places his butt on the spot it lets out a harsh , deep scream of pain that causes Miles himself to jump up and fall on his face.

“ What the __fuck!__ “ The swear rips off his throat loudly , moaning excessively as he gets up from his position. It turns out those __pillows__ weren’t pillows , but an actual living __being.__ The ‘pillows’ were groaning also , glaring at Miles.

“ Watch where you’re sitting. “ It grunted. __It__ actually being a ‘ he ‘ , with dirty blond hair that’s dyed and green eyes . There’s a scar over his left eye too , but Miles wouldn’t care less.

“ Hey , shitface , it’s not __my__ fault that I thought you were pillows. You looked like a stack of potatoes there! “ Miles threw back , clearly unafraid of this man. But as soon as he stood up ( and __god__ he swears he wasn’t human with that height , probably 6’7” or something with a build that could __crush__ his weak one with but a single pinch ) he regrets all of his words and feels like his skin’s all gone pale.

Thankfully , an __angel__ came and that angel being Lisa who came from upstairs , probably hearing the boy’s ungodly yell. “ Chris? “ He says , looking down from the upper floor. “ Did something happen? I told you , you should have slept in your room! “

‘ Chris ‘ seemed to have calmed down after that , pointing over to Miles himself. “ Sorry. This bitch’s bony ass pierced my abdomen or something. It’s like he doesn’t even have __fat.__ “

“ I’m right here , fucker! “ The brunet hissed , clearly unappreciative of his insult. Waylon soon came into the picture , fearing that maybe when they return to their dorms Miles would be nothing but crushed debris. “ Miles! “ He called out , scolding him like a mother with her child.

“ He’s got a name , Chris. He’s Miles. “ Lisa says. “ Sorry about that , Miles! Chris may be a little bit feral , but he’s a great guy. You two should get along! “

“ Yeah , Miles. Get a __boyfriend__ while you’re at it. “ Waylon adds redundantly , earning a glare from the brunet. Lisa probably got his humor because she’s laughing too , pushing the blond jokingly. The two return to the room after that , restoring the silence and tension between them.

Silence. Just glaring , throwing angered facial expressions at one another. That and Miles scrutinizing the man’s body , admiring how … __Big__ his chest was and so was his arms. __Gah , what the hell , Upshur?__

“ Well? “ Miles says heatedly , breaking the awkwardness between them. He wasn’t one to apologize. Apologize __first__ that is.

Chris sighs. He rubs the nonexistent itch on his nape , offering a hand to Miles. “ Okay , fuck. Let’s try that again. I probably was a dick , sorry , first impressions aren’t my thing. “

He’s being kind. No longer being hostile , so being angry at him would be the first thing a __fifth grader__ would do. No need to get petty. No need to be the bitter , bitchy Miles that he usually is. The Filipino accepts his hand then and lets him pull him back up. “ Yeah , me too. Same thing … Er, “

“ You heard the girl , It’s Chris. Christopher actually , but that’s too long. “ Says he , smiling almost sheepishly. For a big guy, he’s got the smile of a child which Miles thinks is… Actually kind of __cute.__ “ And you’re… “

“ Miles. You heard the boy. “ He echoes , returning the smile. It was quite hilarious how they were glaring at each other just six seconds ago or so , and now they were both smiling like a shy girl and guy in some sort of anime meeting for the first time. He doesn’t know why he described it that way but take it as an impromptu something. “ Well , just Miles. Not a short for anything or whatever. “

Chris returns to sit back on the couch and gestures Miles to sit on the other side. “ Uh , you a friend of Lis’? “ He says , starting a small conversation , hoping to undo the bitchiness he gave off at the start. Small talk wasn’t Miles thing , __especially__ without Waylon but hey , wouldn’t hurt to try , right? And something in his gut tells him that there was something about this man that made him feel a little more … __Calmer ,__ a feeling of delight even.

__And maybe I could get a boyfriend._ _

__The fuck , Upshur? You just met this guy!_ _

He shakes the thought off __immediately.__

“ Nah. Waylon’s , actually. “ He says almost timidly. His voice was a lot more quieter than his usual one , which was a big mystery to him. He wasn’t like this usually , he was usually talkative and abrasive even with strangers , but with this guy, he feels so … Quiet. Vulnerable , sheepish and shy. __Oh my fucking god , the fuck’s going on? I didn’t study for this!__ “ The guy with her a while ago. “

“ Ah , her lil crush. She talks about him a lot if you only knew. “ He muses , rolling his eyes which were the __exact__ same feeling Miles had about Waylon. “ I swear if I wasn’t too rude , I’d fall asleep in midst of her stories. “

“ God , are you __kidding?__ The boy wouldn’t stop talking about her ever since they first met. Had to deal with it for years, actually. Even when she was still… “

“ Liam , yeah. “ He finishes for him. “ I still knew her back then when she was still __him__ , but it wasn’t long before she came out. Didn’t change her stupid little crush, though. “

“ Ugh , same with Way , not that I’m angry about it or anything but considering that the feeling’s mutual , they’re both pretty … __Dense.__ It’s so stupid , so __frustrating.__ Two blind birds , but part of me doesn’t want Waylon to end up with her. Something like that , kind of. ”

Chris smiles at his reaction , eyebrow raising in astonishment. “ You’re … Jealous? Do you want Waylon for yourself? “

“ The hell? No! I mean , __kind of__ , he’s like a brother to me and the thought of him abandoning me for her scares me , honestly. “ __Why am I telling him this? I sound like a pussy , no one likes pussies. I mean , maybe lesbians and straight and bi guys but not that kind of pussy ------ Wait , why the fuck do I care?!__ “ Ugh , it’ll be inevitable when they start dating. I’ll be forever __alone.__ ”

The other only laughs at this,however , __fucking prick.__ “ I mean , why don’t you get a girlfriend? To make things fair and everything. “

He shrugs casually as if it was nothing and the answer was obvious. “ Can’t. I’m gay. ‘

“ Oh. “

The monosyllabic reply was like a plethora of words to Miles.

 _ _Shit. Shit.__ It was dumb of him to come out to just __someone__ he’s met because he hasn’t done it to anybody else except for Waylon himself , the sheer thought of slurs and homophobic comments and whatnot was arising panic in his chest. __Shit , fuck!__ ” I mean , I’m not I just- “

Chris halts him , hands raising. There’s this small smile on his face with eyebrows frowning as if to reassure the other. “ Hey , it’s okay. I mean , me too. “

The anxiety cripples like paper and is now thrown to the side , now replaced with relief but __also__ confusion. “ __What?__ “

“ I mean , no , __not exactly__ , I’m bi but I like guys more. “ Chris explains further , smiling docilely. “ Did you __seriously__ think I’d react __that__ way? It’s like , 2017 , who the heck __does__ that. “

The fact that he’s fine with it lifts an entire mountain off Miles’ shoulder and inflames a tiny candle of hope in his chest. __Wait … The hell? What’s happening with me? God!__ “ H-Heh , I guess. Sorry , I’m not used to … Saying that to anyone , haven’t even told my damn mother , only Waylon actually. And well , __you__ apparently. “

“ It’s fine. So anyway , correcting my previous question , why don’t you get a __boyfriend__ then , so you won’t be ‘alone’? “ Chris inquires a little more emphasis to the ‘ boyfriend ‘ to punctuate his correction . Miles still shrugs as a response , the answer still similar to the previous.

“ I mean. I dunno , Never dated anyone yet. “ He mumbles. Dating wasn’t exactly an interest throughout his life since he always concentrated on writing and games , thus all that sappy __love__ bullshit was but an enigma to him. Waylon’s endless mumbling about Lisa was the closest thing he could get to dating and that was that. Small crushes happened , but it was mere infatuation. __Jeez , am I that cold?__

“ Ah , me neither. Never had a boyfriend , too. “ Chris stated , sighing as if it were some kind of unfortunate fact. Though the tone in his voice vaguely implements that he’s trying to say something and Miles must have picked that up , because Miles is staring at him with his eyebrows furrowing and Chris notices this , raising this cute , little blush to raise on his pale cheeks that Miles found __way__ too adorable considering his size. “ -O-or a girlfriend! Uh , I’m a dateless person. Or didn’t really … Take interest in it before. “

“ Oh…Me too , honestly. “ Miles simply says , not knowing what else to add. His heart pace’s grown somehow and he feels like he should fix himself up and shit for the sake of this guy. The tension between them grew __worse__ than the previous one , which he wanted to fix. “ Uh-What course are you studying? “ Interjected the brunet instantly , ending the painstaking tension. __Smooth way to change the subject , idiot.__

He shakes his head. “ Not studying here. I’m only staying with Lisa and the others for a while , going to Military school soon. “ He explains , and Miles frowns. __Unfortunate__ , he thinks , __I don’t think I can handle long distan- Wha? What the heck! Who said anything about relationships?!__ “ But it’s still somewhere around three months later or when I get an email about it. What about you , though? “

Ah , this Miles was proud to answer. “ Journalism. “ He says smartly , beaming. “ I’ve always wanted to be a journalist ever since I was a kid , and I’ve joined the school paper ever since I was in the 6th grade. Kind of my thing. “

Chris laughs , and the laugh was molded from pure mirth that rings a bell in Miles’ chest. __God , if beauty had a description would you please label it as this man’s laughter?__ “ That’s cute. You seem really determined about it , so I’m guessing you’re doing great so far. “

“ Classes are a __breeze__ if you’re actually ecstatic about the thing you’re taking. But hey , militarily’s pretty ace. It’s not that easy and __is__ a pretty big sacrifice and all that. “ He says with a beam. “ I admire that. Needing to be away from your family’s … Pretty rough. During and after college that is, “

“ It is. But it’s worth it anyway. For the country and safety of the people , all that cheesy bs. “ Chris says humbly , smiling at him back. And as if a spell breaker , Waylon calls Miles from upstairs and breaks the spell between the two. “ Uh..I think I need to get going. “ Miles excuses himself politely , standing up from the seat and avoiding any more __godforsaken__ eye contact because he swears those stupid green eyes of his were planting a zoo inside his stomach. “ It was nice talking to you , though. Sorry about the first impression. “ He merely nods in response , smiling an ‘ __it’s alright ‘__ smile.

Miles runs up to the staircase to go to Waylon but was halted by Chris’ sudden call of his name. “ Hey , uh , Miles. I was wondering… “

Like a cat whose interest was piqued , Miles throws his head in Chris’ direction. “ .. _ _Yeah?__ “

“ If you’re free this Saturday , maybe we could … Uh, “ He starts awkwardly , hand on nape and eyes surveying __anything__ but Miles’ brown eyes. “ …Hang out. Watch a movie. Get some brunch , something like that , if you’re free that is… “

There’s that blush on his cheeks again. As if it were contagious , he’s got his __own__ little blush on his cheeks , too. “ Are you… “

“ Asking you out? Kinda am. “ He finishes __once again__ and laughs a mixture of sheepish and awkward. “ Kind of the thing people do when they’re interested in dating the other if you didn’t know. “

A big , goofy smile ( which was __probably__ even more stupid than Waylon’s smile not so long ago ) paints itself on his face. “ Yeah , __I know.__ And sure , I mean , __why not?__ “

Chris’ eyes widen in surprise or something like joy or perhaps excitement. “ R-Really? I’ll meet you on eight outside the campus , then? “

“ Hey , sure! “

“ Great. “

“ __Miles!__ “ Waylon’s voice calls again , a little bit angrier and hasty this time. Lisa came down soon enough , so both of them have to look away and act as if nothing happened. But Lisa wasn’t dumb , smart enough even to not say anything about it to ruin their little ‘moment’. “ Way wants you for something , Miles , in case you didn’t hear. I’ll be buying something from the store. “ She tells him , a little pat on his back. “ And Chris , you’re coming with me. “

Miles nods at Lisa. The female walks down and walks over to Chris , tagging him along. Before they could even exit Chris smiles at Miles , waving him goodbye and mouths at __I’ll see you then__ at him which he responds with a smile and an __I guess I will.__ Another sharp , loud ‘ __MILES!__ ‘ rings from the room upstairs however , annoying the shit out of the brunet but he finally goes up anyway.

“ Oh my god , __finally__ , I’ve been calling you for like , forever. “ Waylon groaned , glaring at his friend. Yet he notices the smile formed by his lips and it was a rare time to see him smiling , __and__ blushing too. The vexation fades away from his face and transitions to a teasing grin. “ Wait… Did something happen? Oh my god , don’t tell me you and C- “

Breaking from his daze , Miles returns that ‘ __Miles ‘__ glare Waylon has always known. “ Hush! “ He hisses , finger on lips. “ And whatever you’re thinking , it’s none of your business. “

Waylon was having none of it though , because soon he’s that toothy smile on his face grows into something the other wanted to __wipe__ off his face with a kick. “ Ayieee , “ He mocks the syllable in the tone that Miles uses whenever __he__ teased the blond. “ __Someone’s__ got a lil’ crush! “

The blush on his face increases rapidly , and so does that signature annoyed ‘ __tsk__ ‘ from his lip , gaze avoiding his. “ Whatever! What did you want me for?! “

-

Today was peculiar. No panic attacks , no unnecessary voices and flinching. , no excessive shaking and sweating. Just pure oddity. Spacing out , avoidance of any type of interaction. Maybe he should do this every day , it __did__ seem healthy for him. Made him feel safer , comfier.

But alas , that was going to end soon.

He stares at his old worn shoes. They were getting too tight. He never got new stuff ever since… __That.__ He wasn’t one who often asked for such material objects anyway , all he asked was time with his mother every time he came home from school. That was all he needed , all he wanted. But he’s twenty and maybe it’s time to start caring about materialism. __Maybe. Maybe not…Does it really matter?__

Edward leans against the cream painted walls. He’s been waiting here for what seemed like an eternity , but mother said patience was a virtue and a virtue he’ll practice shall it be. The campus had been nothing but quiet but not like he was complaining , Eddie liked the silence. Not pure , utter silence , for it was the wind’s cool song replacing the noisy chattering of students.

It was … Better. Better than having to dive in a sea of unfamiliar faces , better than having to breathe and attempt to pass by such a claustrophobic area. Whenever they were there , it had always felt harder for Gluskin. The air was always thicker in a way , always __heavier__ and much more meaner-- As if it was a weigh pushing him down beneath the floor or perhaps crush his body to bits. Always felt like every single pair of eyes stared at him with gazes that were far from the positive spectrum. Always felt like the faces and eyes and mouths five years ago , when they chortled and yelled and inquired him so __harshly__ that their voices mixed conducted an uncanny cacophony. Like they wanted to eat him out alive , wanted to slither his throat the way his father did to his mother. Punishment it could be labeled as perhaps , or some sort of penance for the sin of __not leaving , but staying . Staying when he shouldn’t have.__

Or maybe that’s just the PTSD.

The damn thing that’s stayed with him ever since.

“ You’re here. “ Two words are enough to shatter the barrier of his inner thoughts. There stands Lauren , with a beanie and red scarf wrapped around her neck. It was a cold afternoon , made sense for her to dress up in such a fashion. “ Sorry if I made you wait , had to deal with some … __Things.__ “

The way she words the last word signals him that he does not want to hear a single bit about it. “ It is perfectly fine , there is nothing to apologize for. “ He’s so easy. So forgiving , so timid and gentle. He looked the opposite outside as a six-foot man but inside he had always felt like that fifteen-year-old who measly stood at five foot three , with a worn , homemade teddy bear in his arms. A poor kid who still feared the world and everything else in it. “ I believe we should get going? It would be difficult for us to walk if the sun has already set. “

She simply nods in response. Perhaps she was already worn out of Eddie’s unnecessary wordings , but none of the man’s concern , really. She beckons him to follow her and he follows suit.

It was sort of embarrassing , being 20 and marking __this__ very day to be the first time to still be outside though it was. Back in the orphanage , he always went back to the bed provided after dinner , not bothering to play outside with the kids. Always spent the rest of the night learning how to knit and sew and read more books rather than spend time interacting with boys his age. Then , back at __his__ own home, he’d rather stay in the given library with his mama , or in his own little room when dad wasn’t around watching movies that were either from Disney , Pixar , __hell__ , even Barbie when the plot was intriguing enough. No other movies but fairytales and happy endings , which was __ironic.__ Coming from someone who’s life was an absolute __nightmare__ filled with catastrophes.

But twilight was nice enough. He likes the way the sky’s washed with hues of pink and orange dancing with pinkish clouds. It was a serene sight , a calming one. Reminds him of that one dress his mother loved to wear , made her look gorgeous with the flower crowns they’ve made in their garden.

The walk was somewhere between unnerving and endurable. Lauren tried to initiate a conversation with Eddie and began talking about her life , mainly things that seemed to benefit her image/reputation in front of him , although none of this seemed to amuse him. There was something about her that bored him , perhaps it was the cloying dew that coated her words or the fact that everything seemed so … Forced. So flirtatious , so sultry and-- dare he say it?-- __Sluttish.__ If that was even a word , something his father would use to describe other women.

Oh , god. Oh no. Oh __no , no , no.__

__Something his father would say._ _

__Or at least that part of him._ _

If there was anything he hated being compared to , it was __definitely__ his father. That beast of a man , that unforgiving … __Murderer.__ He wouldn’t want to end up like him. He’d be __anything__ but him , would give up anything to cut off all signs that he was related to Lucas Gluskin. He didn’t want to think like him , so he cuts that thought off. And then again there’s that part of him that’s telling him his father was __good__ , just damaged. Tries to blame it on his problems , tries to reason that whoever came after that __wasn’t__ his father and was some sort of monster who killed his true father. Because his father , as he knew , was the man who’d sit beside him and teach him how to play the piano. His father was the man who carried him and spun him around as he sang silly songs. His father loved him , his mother , his __family… But where did he go?__

Maybe it’s just his mentality telling him that. But delusions , false thoughts…

He listens , anyway. Tries to digest it , fails miserably. Why had there been a thought that she may be the princess , the damsel in distress , the one and only for him lingering in his mind? He had not a clue himself , either. Perhaps it was just a lingering thought , a desperate cling of desperation for happiness. That’s what mother always said anyway , that happiness , pure utter __mirth__ can be found in love. Can be found in a bond. Can be found in __matrimony.__

 _ _Well ,__ if it was a happy one.

Not long before they reach the place ( Eddie thanks the stars above that have now emerged apparently ) . It wasn’t out of Eddie’s expectations but it wasn’t in them either , a bit on the middle spectrum actually. It was , quite frankly , merely an imitation of every other bungalow that stood tall in the village.

“ Ah , __shit.__ “ Eddie frowns at her choice of words , not appreciating the vulgarity. She’s fiddling with the keys she’s kept in a small purse. “ I don’t think they gave me a spare key… “

She rung the doorbell , hoping that there could at least be __someone__ inside. She tells Eddie if there was no one then perhaps they’d have to take this somewhere else , which he doesn’t really mind _ _. Or maybe he did ,__ he wasn’t sure himself either.

Just as the duo was about to settle on leaving , the door springs open and reveals a shorter man with honey blond hair , chocolate brown dyeing the opposite lower sides. Turquoise eyes lighten up with amusement , a grin falling on soft features. “ Eddie! I didn’t expect to see __you__ here. “

It was the … Wallet boy. __Waylon.__ That’s what his name was , right? With a confusing surname that reminded him of green grasses and little kids… __Park.__ “ Ah. Good evening , Waylon. “ A polite salutation , a shy wave. “ And yes , I did not quite expect your presence either. Uh , thank you for opening the door , however… “

He smiles wider , gesturing them to come in. “ I wasn’t , actually , but then I saw you. Do you live here? “

Before Eddie could even speak and explain himself , Lauren chimed in rather __rudely__ and cut him off mid-sentence. “ No , actually , __I do.__ I reckon you’re the computer man that Lisa called? “

Waylon feels slightly bad for not even acknowledging this girl’s presence in the first place. __Woopsies.__ “ Uh-huh! That’s me. Sorry , I think she and Chris went to buy something outside. But , uh , come in then. We’ve fixed the WiFi and all that but didn’t want to leave until their return. “

Lauren need not say anything more , she merely sashays and brushes past him. __Rude.__ Eddie tries to put on a forced smile as to say ‘ __I’m sorry ‘__ for the other’s behavior and Waylon must have read so because he smiles a smile that spells ‘ __no worries ‘__. The taller man walks in and the blond shuts the door gently.

“ Me and Miles will just be upstairs if you need anything. I’m guessing you two are involved in a project or something like that… “

“ Your guess appears to be correct , darling. I think we should be fine by now. “ He reassures. “ Thank you , your kind efforts are acknowledged. “

He simply smiles at this and nods it off , running back upstairs knowing he no longer had business downstairs. Lauren catches Eddie’s attention by calling him from the kitchen , gesturing him to follow. Eddie , of course , __obedient__ as ever does as he’s told. It’s like he’s a dog well trained by his master.

“ Sorry for all the trouble and all that bullshit. “ Internally , he’s flinching at the unpleasant words again. “ But I’m hoping we could at least discuss about the project as I’m cooking. I usually do it for the entire house and I don’t want it to be late or whatever. Can’t study with an empty stomach , I guess. “

 _ _Ah.__ Cooking for the family , __like a proper woman should be doing.__ Eddie smiles at this , pleased by her words. “ It’s quite alright , dear. If you’d like , I might be of some assistance? “

“ Oh , you wouldn’t mind? Really , you’re being __too__ kind. “

“ And I do not see why I should cease from being so. “ Eddie guarantees. “ Cooking has been a fair hobby of mine , after all. “

They discuss about this and that as they do what they must. Eddie has always watched his mother cook , so this was a piece of cake for him. How to hold the knife , wash the dishes , fry the fish and everything in between. He’d always devote every grain of his time to his mother whenever he was alas free from school and/or his father’s painstakingly heavy chains.

Lauren’s gestures during the entire scene though had been very … __Intimate ,__ Eddie must point that out. His own little personal bubble had been popped and often invaded by __her__ presence and started to plant a seed of discomfort and agitation in his stomach that was soon going to erupt , yet the man did everything in his power to stop this.

She peeks over his shoulder , watching him carefully add the spices needed for the stir fry. “ Woow , you’re literally perfect husband material , y’know? A gentleman. Able to cook. What else can you do for the role? “

Eddie chuckles , __truly__ flattered , glad that his mother’s teachings and efforts did not go to waste. “ Ah , I suppose … I can at least spend time with the kids when I must. “ It was true , anyway. He __did__ love kids and genuinely wanted children of his own seed , watch them sprout and grow into beautiful flowers. Watch and let them __grow__ into something he’s not and something more of what he wanted himself to be.

__Beautiful._ _

Yet it seems that Lauren didn’t take interest in such domestic ideas.

There was something else much , much more … __Different.__

He moves over to the sink to wash the dishes and everything else they used in preparation for the meal. Carefully washes the knife with precision and an open eye so he wouldn’t cut himself , exactly how his mother taught him seven years ago. Then , __suddenly__ , he feels two warm arms wrap around his waist , chin laying against his shoulder as lips graze his ear. She was close to him , chest pressing against his back very tightly , __dangerously__ close.

“ __Y’know,__ “ She whispers , each and every syllable cradled with seduction and lust. Dainty fingers crawl underneath his shirt and into his bare abdomen. “ __There’s something else that describes a perfect husband.__ “ Licking of lips , amused titters. Eyes clouded with something that provokes him. “ … _ _They’re very , very good in bed. I’d like to see if you’d check that box , too.__ “

It had all been too similar. __Way__ too similar.

The way her mother once wrapped her arms around another man when she thought he was sleeping. The way she whispers naughty little things in his ear , the way she slides her hands sneakily underneath his shirt and … Removing it. Does unspeakable things to him on that kitchen counter. That’s why the next day when she asks why wasn’t he eager on chopping the onions on that counter anymore , he doesn’t answer. Doesn’t know that he knows what she’s __exactly__ done on that counter.

That’s why the seed had finally sprouted in his stomach and erupted into something very , __very__ hideous.

Because alas , the trigger’s been pulled.

She looked different. She __felt__ different. He felt that __whore__ wearing his mother’s skin graze those revolting lips against his ear , the same , seductive voice and gestures. The sultry , whispers. __Oh god , oh god , it’s her , it’s her , why is she here? What is she doing to me?__

__“ …C’mon , Ed. It won’t hurt to play a little bit , right? “_ _

In an instant , he’s flipped their position so she’s against the counter and he’s against her back. Yet in his hands he’s brought the knife , which he presses against the back of her throat very , __very__ tightly but does not dare to slither it. __Not yet.__ “ Keep your filthy fucking hands off me , __you slut.__ “ He sneered deliriously into her ear , glaring intensely. “ I haven’t been appreciating the __disgusting__ things you’re trying to set up here. I don’t want anyone touching me , especially __you__ whores. “

Just like when his father found out , he’s pressed his mother against the counter and smudged her face against the cold marble thing. Pounded her head and smashed it against the spices and sugar containers. Calling her several demeaning words such as slut and whore. Minx and bitch. Everything and __everything.__

That’s why she did the __exact__ same thing his mother had done in that situation.

She screams. She cries for help.

Brows furrowing , Eddie gripped a mouthful of hair and crushed her head against the cold counter , smashing her face against the spices and sugar containers.“ Shut the fuck up , __bitch. “__ Hissed he , unappreciative of her pathetic yelps. “ No one wants to hear your __whore__ screams. Stay fucking still , __won’t you?__ At least be a good girl for once. “

__They don’t deserve to be alive , even._ _

Those words in the exact same tone his father’s used five years ago echoes in his mind.

Signaled by the scream , two pairs of feet were heard running down the stairs to see what was going on. Waylon was the first to run over to the kitchen and witness the terrifying scene in front of him , causing him to gasp and yell the name of what he might call his friend to catch his attention. Miles follows suit and was just as bewildered as the other. Eddie , still lost in his own outbreak , pivots his head rather harshly to his direction and yells an enraged ‘ __what the fuck do you want , bitch? ‘__

“ What the __hell__ are you doing?! “ Waylon would scream back , yet too scared to walk towards. Too scared to fight back , too __selfish.__ “ Let her go! “ It was a pathetic attempt , __he knows__ , but god ; what can he do? There was a literal __murder scene__ in front of him waiting to happen , the sheer fright that’s thrumming in his chest holds him back.

It takes a while for Eddie to return to his senses. Takes a while for him to realize the terrified look plastered all over the blonde’s face, takes a while to realize the mortified face drawn on the blond’s and the __what the fuck__ expression on the brunet’s. Takes a while for him to realize the knife in his hand pressed against her nape , takes a while for him to realize that he’s reenacting the acts of his father.

 _ _Oh god.__ Eyebrows return to their original position. Gritted teeth now part. __Oh god.__ Letting go of her hair. Stepping back. The dropping of the knife. __Oh god.__ The sheer , piercing sound of metal colliding with stone. __Oh god , oh my fucking god.__

 __Mama , what am I doing?_ _ __  
_ _

“ Eddie , what hap- “

“ I believe I should be going. I’ve caused enough nuisance for a day. “ Eddie states , voice strained and he feels like his throat’s closing and closing and restricting himself from breathing. “ I apologize. I’ve snapped and lost myself back there. Please do forgive me , I … “ __truly mean no harm? Do you? Did you just see what you nearly fucking did? You nearly slaughtered the woman right there! You nearly murdered her!__

He does not finish his sentence. Instead , he briskly walks over to the exit and leaves immediately.

He truly does not know what has happened to him back there.

__Papa , am I becoming like you?_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****__  
> TW : Murder attempt , mentions of domestic violence , violence , use of misogynistic slurs/misogyny in general  
>  TR :  
> Inay = Tagalog term for ‘ mother ‘  
> Ang init , tang inaaa = “ It’s so hot , motherfuckerrr… “ / Tagalog  
> Oi , mukha kang tanga sa ngiti na yan. = “ Hey , you look like an idiot with that smile. “ / Tagalog  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
> 10k+ words of _holy shit there's so much going on_  
>  YEA YEA I KNOW IM SORRY SHSMFHSMFHSFM and to clear things up , Miles /is/ Filipino ( and Waylon's like half Korean as I stated in the previous chaps , and half Swedish if u must ) whilst Lisa is trans. Chris is actually a soft guy in oppose to fanon where he's usually a jock or smth , he's just staying in as he said lol
> 
> I must admit though Miles/Chris won't go on so much as Eddie's the main focus in the fic. Shit hit the fan early , I know , and generally showing signs of Eddie slowly becoming the ' serial killer ' that he is before he even enters the damn engine. But his first murder's ceased thanks to WayWay.
> 
> and just a little note but i hope/wish the chap summary gives a lil reference to where I got the title for the fic. It's a Heathers ref , I can't get enough of that musical lol ( and how Miles literally dressed up like JD in the first chap ffs i didnt even realize that MYSELF )
> 
> Nonetheless , I hope you like it so far! I've edited the notes in the beginning chapter too. And the tags. : - )


	4. 03 : let me be part of the narrative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _and let this be the first chapter where you choose to ~~stay~~_  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S THE BITCH WHO FINALLY DISCOVERED HOW TO SAVE DRAFTS HERE. that's right assholes. C'EST MOI!
> 
> ok fuck idk french that's just lafayette's line but out of the point HJKFMSHKMSHGM im sorry for not updating literally want 2 keep an ud sched but idk man i just don't..have an attention span!
> 
> also sorry if the first few chaps were just.like. an introduction rather than a full story. i PROMISE future chaps will get better xoxo. and i realize w/o the use of google play books or w/e the ITALIC TEXT won't appear via mobile which is frustrating bc it won't emphasize the woRDS/seperate thoughts from actual narrative. i just realized this and it's bc i like, copy paste from my word n it doesn't work?? idk?? man?? i hate everythin
> 
> ok anyway,here we go!

**TW for flashbacks/mentions of (domestic) violence, slurs, misogyny, canon-typical eddie backstory nature.  
further on, homophobia/homophobic slurs.**

" _Edward, mój anioł,_ _what sound does a clock make? "_

_" Tick-tock, tick-tock! "_

_" Very good. You're learning so fast, Eddie. "_

_So mama, can you tell me why I hear different noises at night?_

There had been nothing at night but the repetitive, tiring mantra of the clock. Quite foolish to bring _two_ clocks instead of one, but as his aunt advised it was for ' alarm purposes ', the digital one specifically. The wall clock played a monotonous symphony of _ticks_ and _tocks_ over and over again when the sun had slept. That's all he ever hears throughout the entire night or at least _wishes_ he would hear till alas he's fallen to slumber-- But some nights, such as tonight, there had been something else. Some noises that a clock could not make.

They do not come in dull, repeated notes on a piano.

They come in full words. Sentences.

Voices that he wanted to hear.

But not like this. Not today.

With eyes that tremble within white muscles, Edward stares at his hands with disbelief and fear. He looks at the burly, thick fingers he's owned and pinkish pale skin. Looks at the Lines drawn on his palm, the specific arrangement of curves and whatnot. They looked like his father's. He'd had the exact same ones once, and he used these to hold his eight-year-old self's tinier hand, hold them _tightly_ and press them against his chest as he'd promise to do whatever it takes to ensure Eddie that he'll live a perfect life, a safe childhood and overall would drown in nothing but mirth. No myriad of scars that are caused by problems shall wound him. Not ever.

He loved those hands. Used to, at least, that's why he'd place them on his very cheeks and would feel entirely safe with those cupping his face.

And that is why it was _so_ unbelievable that these hands were the same hands that have done unspeakable, sinister things.

It only takes a blink for his mind to paint his own hands red. Takes a blink for all of it to wash away too, then another for it to return yet the next blink doesn't erase it this time. The floor's no longer his dorm's floor but the floor of their kitchen which was white, porcelain tiles. But they were spilled with so much _red_ and it's the same red that's on his hands. Dazed, Eddie flinches from his position and turns to his left. _She's there._ His mother, face covered in bruises that have recently formed under her left eye and lips. Blood spurting from her forehead and mouth, dripping down her pretty rose gold dress. _Why is she here? Why am I here?_ It takes him a moment to realize that he's in the same memory that reminded him of that girl ... _Lauren._

 _" I-I'm s-so sorry L-Lucas...Please...Stop,I-..._ " His mother had sniveled pathetically, wiping the tears off her life worn eyes and dabbing the blood from her nose quickly. _Lucas? I can't be- I-I'm .. I'm Edward. Mom? What are you..._

His hands. They're stained. He's wearing his father's uniform on that day. His instincts have told him to _run_ and ordered his feet to bring him to the closest mirror. Reflection meets his figure. He's not Eddie. He's not himself.

Smoky gray eyes with heavy eyebags. Ruffled, dark ebony hair in a scissor cut. Unshaven face, blood stains splattered on cheek and clothes--

_Father._

_No, no, no, no--_

_Why was he here? Why was he HIM?! He was not his father, he is NOT his father! He can't be, he's not a monster, right? No, no, no, please no, NO, NO!_

The sheer panic that arose in his chest caused him to violently swing bloodied fists onto the mirror, shards flying everywhere to his own body and eyes. The pain stings him vigorously, causing him to moan and cry in pure agony as he attempts to rub it off his face.

" _Edward._ "

A calm, serene voice coming in an echoing fashion.

Eddie jolts in surprise and finds himself back in his dorm. The shards aren't real. The blood isn't real.

But somehow, some way, the pain, and feeling _felt_ real.

" ... _Eddie._ " The voice reiterated, catching Eddie's attention at once. Blue eyes swiveled upwards only to meet a phantom-like figure, dipped in raven black coatings that seemed to drip.

He can't seem to decipher the entity correctly, despite it being obscured and monochromatic. Albeit the semi curly, long black hair and lullaby-like voice it owned, it instantly clicked on him.

" M-Mother...? " Eddie supposed, throat getting tighter as he wanted to cry. For the first time in at least _five_ years of complete, utter despair, he feels like all of that had been washed away by nothing but his mother's angelic voice saying his name.

The being sighs melodramatically, it's long, slick arms rising and fingers resting over to his cheek to graze over it. It feels cold, so _cold_ yet a mother's touch to Edward was so, _so_ _warm..._ " Eddie, my sweet, _beautiful_ angel... "

The tears, inevitably, have spilled from ocean like eyes. He feels like a kid, crying like a damn baby but he couldn't even care less with his mother right _here_ in front of him. His own hand rises to touch hers, but then a bolt of realization strikes him that causes him to push her away yet his hands merely pass through. She was transparent, untouchable. Eddie instead backs off, escaping her touch.

There seems to be a hurt look on the phantom's face. " ... _Why?_ "

Breath hitching, Eddie answers in a shaky voice. " Y...You're not real. You're _dead..._ "

A hopeless sigh.

Empty, blank, white eyes droop, forming a somber emotion on the ghost's face. " You killed her. "

And now it's like his breathing's stopped.

" Wh-I...I _didn't-_ "

" Why did you _kill_ her, Eddie? " His mother cooed as she asked, ghastly figure circling his body. " Haven't I taught you better? Haven't I taught you to care for _women_ gently, properly? "

Now his chest is tightening, threatening to stop his lungs from functioning. " She wasn't... She was _far_ from a woman, she's just a wh- "

The slur doesn't even leave his lips because he's realized who he's beginning to sound like.

Hands fly over to his own mouth.

" Such language, my dearest... " Mother murmured, disappointment filling her tone. The cold, long tail of her ghost was completely wrapped around Eddie's figure and somehow Eddie's mind is telling him it wanted to _squeeze_ him just like a snake would do with its prey. " That's.. That's not what mama taught you, isn't it? No woman are _those_ things. Only your father would say such things. "

A soft, brief gasp oozes from her lips. The phantom of his mother quickly flew over to him, white eyes now boring into his. ( And even with _empty_ eyes, it feels like she's drilling guilt and pouring it into his soul! ) " Or could it be... You're _following_ your father's footsteps? Do you _truly_ want to be like ... Like _him?_ "

Eddie shakes his head as quickly as possible, but even with so much reassurance battling within him and his conscience, it feels like he's _lying_ to himself.

" Darling, _Eddie..._ This isn't what I've taught you. This isn't what I wanted you to become. " She cries, shaking her head in dismay. " But the apple... Doesn't fall too far from the tree. I should have known, _I should have known..._ "

" I'm not like him! He's not my father, I _don't_ want to be like him! " Eddie argued, crying. " I can be better! I can _still_ be better! "

Hopeless eyes loom over to him. " Eddie, my love... Please, refrain from lying to mama. You know she hates that, right? "

Her figure wavers. Looks like it's evaporating.

" I-I'm not lying, _mama!_ " He sobs, reaching over to her but his hand passes through her, and in a blink of an eye she's already _gone._ " N-NO! Please don't go, I- _I..._ "

He falls into a series of sobs. Face buried in hands, tears overflowing like a fucking waterfall.

She's right. This isn't what she taught him. This isn't what she _raised_. So why did he do _that?_ Why did he mimic his father's actions? A plethora of questions bullets through his head, erasing every single thought that shone positive light upon himself. _Idiot, idiot, idiot...!_

" _...Edward, my son._ "

Cold, bony fingers lay on his shoulder. Eddie turned back only to see a skinless, bony monster that resembled a lizard or a dragon. A reptile of some sort. Its voice was gravely and deep, but still echoey such as his mother's phantom. Panic rushes to Eddie's chest and causes him to push himself away from the monster.

He trembled in fear, not knowing _who_ or _what_ this creature was. A devilish smile forms on his face, and there's a duplicate or a  _twin_ of him in the background wearing the same suit as he is.

" Oh, don't act so _fuckin'_ scared of me now. I mean, ya always do, but considering what you've done a while ago I assumed you wouldn't react _this_ way... " The monster laughed. " C'mon, Edboy... You're _better_ than that. Finally taking ya father's advice rather than that whore's, eh? "

Eddie's eyes widen. " P... _Papa...?_ "

The demonlike creature smiles. " Ah, ain't cha' a smart kid. Always knew you were, anyway. But don't look so _guilty_ now, you _did_ the right thing. That filthy fuckin' slut rubbed her sinful body against ya anyway, but shame you didn't kill her... Tsk, tsk. That damn slut planting the wrong seeds in your brain. _Fuck._ Should'a got rid of her sooner... "

Each and every harmful word that was meant for his mother inflicted on him like a harsh flick of a stone. " She... She taught me right. You're _wrong._ "

A frown. " Gah, see? Makin' me appear like the bad guy an' shit. What did I ever do to ya guys but _love_ you? And your mama repays me by _cheatin'_ on me, sellin' and throwin' her body everywhere as if she were some prostitute. Bah. You two are _gangin'_ up on me... Fuckin' shame, Edward. But you were so good to me, I'll let this one slide. And I _know_ you can do better. "

He's talking so much... So much _negative_ things about her. This wasn't his father. His father would never, _never_ call his beloved wife a _slut, whore, harlot,_ everything and all things in between... He loved her. Loved her and his own damn son, didn't just throw him around like some chew toy on the side and used it whenever he felt like it. That's not his father. His father's... His father's not a monster.

_So why?_

" ... _Shut up._ " He spat out, hands coiling into fists. There had been a tiny flame of anger that's growing in his chest that had borne from every single conflict that erupted in his life. Started from this _monster_ that stole his father's skin and ruined their happiness. God, he hated it, _hated it, hated it so fucking much. How dare he?_ " You're not my dad. "

Confusion dangles on the creature. " Huh? Ya talkin' whack now, boy? Speak up. You know I can't understand when ya _mumble..._ "

Oceanic blue eyes enlighten with infernos of anger. " You're _not_ my fucking dad! " He seethed, spit flying. " Papa would never do this! He'd-He ... _!_ " The tears halt him from his speech. They grow, trailing onto his cheeks as he cried.

" He'd never hurt mama, never hurt _me._ You're disgusting! I want my _real_ papa back, what did we ever do to _you?!_ "

Eddie wasn't able to speak further. The reptilian creature had dug it's sharp, painful fingers on his throat as he latched it, squeezing it tightly. The pressure was too much for Eddie so he tried to push him away but his endeavors remained fruitless.

" Learnin' t' talk back to ya old man now, aren't ya? " He hissed, grip tightening. Eddie winced, powerless. " Ya really don't _believe_ me? Ya think _I'm_ the monster when it's your mama who's such a fuckin' succubus? You act as if ye know _everything_ when ya fuckin' don't. 'Ever since that, y'er just a fuckin' fucktoy to me and ya uncle, boy. _Remember that._ Stop actin' as if your somethin' else. "

Eddie still struggled nonetheless. He tried to pry those digits off his throat, but the anger in his ' father's ' eyes spell that they refuse to do so. Black dots started to invade his vision, lungs wanting to give up.

" Should've _killed_ ya along with that slut. So you two can rot in hell together. But why don't cha fuckin' _die_ now? "

Claws dug further into his skin and drew blood from his neck. The pain was excruciatingly severe, he would have wailed in pain if his throat wasn't pressed tight.

" Fucking _join_ her while you're at it since you're _that_ attached to her. "

Tears blurred his vision. The world went dark. Like a candle, his breath starts to melt away and the moonlight that peeked through his window begun to darken. His eyelids slowly close, lashes kissing skin...

That is, until...

_Knock, knock, knock._

Eyes, once again, flutter open.

He's on the cold wooden floor. Eyes dart around to check his surroundings, there were no monsters or phantoms around him. Just him and the ticking of the clock.

Hands lead themselves on his own neck, There is nothing. No blood, no scars, no red. They weren't real. They weren't _real, right?_

_So why did it feel so fucking vivid?_

The knock repeats, a bit louder and hastier this time, as if Eddie didn't hear it. He most certainly did but was too busy battling with his own thoughts. Realizing this now, he stands up swiftly and quickly rushes to the door to open it.

There is a pale, young man about his age with a clean shave on his door. He has black glasses and black hair, but green-blue-yellow eyes.

The boy's startled by Eddie's abrupt action, that's why he flinches ever so slightly at the door opening. Eddie stares at the man three inches shorter, still trying to catch his breath from _that_. " Uh ... C-Could I help you? "

A timid smile finds it's way on the other's face. " O-Oh! Yeah, er, sorry for ... Disturbing ya. 'm Blake, by the way, we're not exactly classmates but Professor Roy wanted to give this to ya. " He then hands him a rectangular ( seemingly a _book_ ) object that was wrapped in black paper. " He said it reminded 'im of your style. A lot. And considerin' y'er ... Drawings, I guess? That he saw he thought you might like it. "

Eddie's eyes fall to the present from his teacher. He _figures_ it could be a book, but _what_ book? A bible? Dictionary? How-To-Paint? Self-help? There are dozens of possibilities. And lastly, _why him?_

Eddie returns the smile, but it is forced. He takes the gift gently away from the man's hands. " Th...Thank you. I apologize for the inconvenience you may have gone through because of this. I hope it is not much of a burden. "

" Oh, don't worry, I'm fine. " Blake reassures. " Also... If ya don't mind me askin' but ... I doubt y'er air conditioner's not working but ye seem t' be sweatin'... A _lot._  You doin' swell, buddy? "

He finds himself detaining his lower lip between his teeth. _Shit._ Was he? Involuntarily, a hand finds it's way to his temple. _Fuck._ He _was_ sweating. What excuse could he make up for this?

_Are you okay?_

_God, I wish I was._

" It's ... Nothing. " He lies. It's a shit excuse, he knows, but what else can he say? He fears any other pathetic excuse may seem too extravagant to the point that he'd continue to ask. " ...Worry not, whatever it is, it's not much of a matter to both you and I. Please do not let it bother you. "

" Alright, if that makes ya comfortable. " He says but there is hesitance lingering in his tone. " That's all. Thank you, and I hope ye have a blessed night. "

" ...Thank you as well, and likewise. "

He leaves after just that.

Eddie closes his door and returns to his bedroom, gently prompting himself on his bed. He feels so dazed and dizzy and mentally _exhausted_ from all of that. The phantom like creature that acted like his mother, the bony, reptilian _monster_ that resembled his father... What  _were_ they? Were they monsters that come to haunt him? Were they the ghosts of his parents that have _finally_ decided to accompany him after all his prayers? Were they even  _real_ or mere hallucinations his mind's created? He doesn't know.  _He doesn't even know what to fucking believe anymore._

Everything feels so fake. So _fake_ but so undeniably real. Reality's harsh but no reality can be  _this_ merciless. He's so damaged and yet the world wants to damage him further. What luck.

The abrupt news that he's received a gift from his professor stressed him, too.  _Why?_ What was the reason to this small act of generosity? And  _why_ him? And what was  _in_ here?

Sighing, he unwraps the concealed present to let all the questioning thoughts that stream in his head die. What could he _possibly_ get him?

Inside the black wrapper was an old and used copy of the oh so famous _tragedy_ with given illustrations and translations. It was no other than the story that's often mistaken for a romance written by the oh so brilliant William Shakespeare.

_Romeo and Juliet._

_-_

_" Uggh,_ why did we have to leave so soon? It was so cozy there! " Miles complained, kicking the pebbles on the stone ground. The artificial glow of amber lights draws circles on his face and dark silhouettes on the earth. " We could have just stayed the night and walked to the building _together_ the next day! And why didn't we get a godforsaken scooter or whatever?! I swear to god we're going to _die_ from all this walking. "

" Miles... " Waylon seethed under his breath, highly annoyed. Even though busy fiddling with the phone he's managed to reply. " First of all, Lauren _wanted_ us to leave and we don't have a choice. D'ya wanna get a freakin' restraining order or whatever?! Second, it's expensive, _babo!_ You have the money to pay for that? We're already low on cash for chicken nuggets and yet you still want a _scooter?_ "

Ignoring all his reasonable statements, Miles rolls his eyes in response. " Okay, bitch, no need to take things literally. My main complaint is the walking. As you said, I'm literally a _walking stick_ and I don't need to lose any more pounds! But ... Hey! _Look on the bright side, you_ could definitely lose some of that chub of yours. Remember when we used to give each other piggy back rides? " He nudges his best friend at the suggestion, eyebrows bouncing playfully. " Still doesn't have to change, Wayway! "

Waylon casually shoves him off and flips him the bird in response.

Perhaps it was because he was too busy texting with Lisa to deal with Miles' whiny ass. They've been doing so the past few minutes since Lisa and Chris arrived about fifteen minutes after they left. They were unaware that they did which lead both individuals to be very upset. He's apologized and explained on why so and Lisa tells him _it's okay,_ but there's still that guilt churning in his stomach.

> _Fr : Lisa / 7:29 PM  
>  sad that u rlly had to go tho :( miss u already_

Even with abbreviations and just a few words, this girl really knew how to send butterflies to Waylon's stomach in a flick of a wrist. 

> _To : Lisa / 7:30 PM  
>  Yeah, sorry D: Lauren wanted us to leave immediately. I can't  
>  really blame her despite the situation...I'd want the same, too._

Ah, yes. He's explained to her the _Eddie Event_ in the briefest way possible. It was bizarre even if little to no harm was inflicted on anyone, and even though Lisa wasn't there herself she _was_ pretty terrified too. I mean, who wouldn't be?

> _Fr : Lisa / 7:30 PM_  
>  _I guess lol... do u reckon we shld call the cops? He seems like a real_  
>  _threat 2 me. it's scary and i don't want to risk anything...who knows_  
>  _if he's already an actual murderer._

The inevitable question.

The thought of needing to bring the police in this was a conflicting decision in Waylon's mind. Sure, she was right, he _did_ seem like a real threat. You don't see a man who'll press a knife against a girl's throat who merely initiated sex...Or something. In his honest perspective, both parties were at fault but in Eddie's case, his reason for an attempt at murder was very petty and unreasonable. Yet...

The regret and horrid burning in those blue eyes of his seemed genuine. He looked lost, looked like he was unsure of what had happened or how he got in such a situation. This part of him tells him that he didn't really mean for it to happen nor did he want for it to happen. Or is he merely deceiving his true colors despite getting caught? He doesn't know...

But when he first met Eddie, he was sure that his shy and quiet demeanor wouldn't and _couldn't_ spell murderer. If anything, an influx of emotions must have overtaken his thoughts and controlled his actions for him. He couldn't just make assumptions because he _barely_ knew this guy.

He's overthinking again.

He bites his lip, unable to come up with a final response.

> _To : Lisa / 7:33 PM  
>  No..._
> 
> _To : Lisa / 7:33 PM_  
>  I mean, no shit, he /does/ seem like a real threat and all that  
>  but... I honestly don't think he'd do that. I think he didn't  
>  mean it coming from his apology.
> 
> _To : Lisa / 7:34 PM_  
>  And maybe that's a biased opinion since we're acquaintances  
>  or w/e but I genuinely think he didn't mean for it to happen.  
>  We shouldn't just assume he's a murderer because...
> 
> _To : Lisa / 7:34 PM  
>  Bah. I don't want to overstate it. You get my point, right?_

Waylon's a quick typer and that wasn't always a good thing. That causes him to quickly write out _everything_ he has on his mind that causes him to overspill and make himself look pretentious, and honestly, he _is._ He regrets his foolish decision instantly, thinking that it was _far_ from likable to side up with a possible murderer. _But then again..._

It was too late. The little gray 'r' had emerged from the side of his texts meaning she's read them. Waylon feels like a giant slap of _what the fuck_ or something similar was about to come from the texts for his opinion. _Great, Way. Why did you do that, you fucking idiot? She wouldn't like it that you're teaming with a murderer. God, you're so foolish sometimes. You're losing your chances with this girl, it's too late!_

He feels like he's going to melt into a puddle of regret. Yet as soon as her reply pops up from the screen, that regret suffusing his veins have immediately evaporated into relief.

> _Fr : Lisa / 7:36_  
>  _Aw, I get it! don't worry lol. I wasn't there so I guess i can't rlly_  
>  _judge what happened or his reaction or w/e . But coming from_  
>  _your response, I guess he rlly did regret it. That's what I like_  
>  _about u way. u don't jump into assumptions that quick :)_
> 
> _Fr : Lisa / 7:36_  
>  _anyway lol i'm really tired and i need to sleep. gn way,_  
>  _ily xx_

That stupid, goofy smile has found it's way on Waylon's face. He sighs in relief and thanks every god in the sky for making him fall in love with an actual angel.

> _To : Lisa / 7:37  
>  Thank you :) gn. Ilyt, sweet dreams  <3_

" Aaaand once again, there comes that idiotic smile. " Miles chimed in abruptly, breaking the spell that Lisa cast for him to smile. The 'smile' fades away and is replaced by an irritated frown. " You textin' your girl again, Way? Sheesh. Even after so much bonding you _still_ can't get yourself unattached from her, can't you? "

" Shut up, Miles. Stop trying to intervene with me and my love life! " He hissed, feigning anger. He wasn't really angry, just annoyed. " And come to think of it, _you_ already have your own love life. Why not bug that? Maybe that's why you wanted to stay because you wanted to get more time to hang out with Chris? _Ayieee_ , so typical, Miles. "

His friend's eyes widen in response, blush slowly rising to his features as he looks away. _Busted._

" None of your business to, idiot. " He huffs, puffing his cheeks and crossing his arms. " And no it's not! It's colder there. That's why. "

A coy smile spreads across Waylon's face, wanting to pry more to _this_ new side of his best friend. " Oh _really?_ Y'know, if I'm not mistaken, _our_ room's smaller and we also have an air conditioner, so shouldn't that mean that our room would be _colder?_ "

" Arrgh! Shut up! "

Waylon smirked deviously, shining with pride that he's pushed his best friend's buttons. It was amusing, to say the least, to see him attracted to another male. He's rarely, actually, _scratch that_ , _never _ hinted any romantic interest towards another. Sure he's had a few crushes over jocks and basketball players throughout their lifetime, but actual _dating_ was a whole new perspective for his best friend. Chris _might_ actually be the first if Miles wasn't keeping any secrets from him.

Although, if you'd think about it, it was very... _Fishy._ Miles wasn't one for the oh so cliche _love at first sight_ trope so that was a surprise, but considering his reaction and profuse blushing Waylon deemed his attraction to be authentic. However, Chris feeling the same and asking him out _immediately_ didn't. Or maybe that's him being biased towards his friend. _Or him being the overprotective, dad-like friend in general._

" Miles. " He called out to the boy, who was too busy _daydreaming_ perhaps as he's got his hands behind his back and gaze at the stars above.

" Wazzup, homie? "

He cringes at the response but pries the question nonetheless. " Don't you think it's a bit ... _Weird_ that Chris asked you out so quickly? I mean, you guys _just met._ Isn't that kind of odd? "

Miles, in obvious denial, rolls his eyes. " Oh, please. No, it's not. He just asked me out on a _date_ , not ' _hey, we just met but can we be boyfriends? '_ " Or suppose that was his desperate, foolish side not wanting to think he was being _manipulated_ in the situation. _He wouldn't, right? Cute green eyes and soft, ample features ... Not the type to be a manipulative, heartless bastard._ " Quit assuming things so quickly. And last time I checked, this was _my_ love life, wasn't it? "

He's known Miles too much to decipher the true emotions behind concealed facades. " I'm just worried. " He half lied, he _was_ worried but truly he doesn't buy the guy's trust. Not _yet_ at least. " I don't want you hurt or anything. "

" Hah! As if I will. Ya think I'm one of those girls who'll _weep_ just because they got rejected or trick? Nuh-uh, honey! I'm Miles Upshur! I'm heartless and cold and apathetic to romance! " He beamed proudly, though _that_ was a lie. There _was_ a part of him that's wondering if Waylon was _indeed_ right. And pray tell, was he really that gullible and easy?

" It still weirds me out, though. To think that this plot only comes in cliche movies and dumb fanfictions... " He muttered, keeping his hands in his pockets.

" Pfft. Those are all fiction, baby, and this is _reality._ " Miles cackles. " And it wouldn't hurt if reality would be _beautiful_ for once now, eh? "

Waylon laughs and snorts at his best friend's reply. " For fuck's sake, you sound like _Veronica_ when you say that. _Shut up. "_

 _" Aww,_ can't I be my own _Veronica_ in my own film for once? " Miles grinned, then, in an _awfully_ sung high and off-key voice he sang, " _Anddd I knoooooww, this can be beautiful! "_

Before he could even continue, Waylon kicks him by the heel that causes him to yelp. " Shut up! You're going to wake the people up with your terrible singing skills! And _what_ , is Chris _JD_ then? "

He moans over the slight pain the kicking radiates over his foot and playfully glares at the other. " Oww! Idiot, that hurt! And he _can't_ be JD, duh. My _Chris_ is not a killer! "

" _My_ Chris, huh? "

" It slipped off! "

The word _killer,_ however, echoes in the back of Waylon's mind. He couldn't help but revert back to the image of Eddie in the scene of pressing Lauren down the counter. The feral, animalistic and angry look on his face didn't seem... _Him._ It looked like another creature. A _monster_ wearing his skin. Didn't fit the timid boy who spoke in hushed voices and sweet endearments whilst maintaining proper etiquette and respect.

Or was he merely wearing that _cordial_ face to masquerade who he truly is? A relentless, merciless and perhaps _misogynistic_ serial killer? The two battling choices fucked up his head so much, and most importantly he can't help but ponder: _why do I even care?_

" ...Miles. " Waylon calls out once again, but this time his voice's solemn and quiet. Hushed. His gaze is facing nowhere, everything drowning to a blur. " Do you reckon Eddie's a killer? "

Miles, very much unlike his best friend, seemed apathetic to the situation and thus responds as if it was a rhetorical inquiry. " I mean, _no shit._ He probably is. What'ya think his body count is? "

Waylon frowns at the response, unhappy with his apathy. " But ... He apologized. _Sincerely._ Most killers would have killed the witnesses. _He would have killed us, Miles._ "

" That, my darling, is called _deception._ " He mimics in the mentioned man's tone. " He got caught, that's why. It's pretty fucking obvious, Way. Why are you so sensitive about this? You _barely_ know the guy. "

" That's exactly why, Miles! We barely know him so we can't just label him a murderer because of what he did! " Waylon snaps, head pivoting over to Miles direction. " He did a complete _mood_ and expression switch when he said his apology. It was as if he dissociated with himself when he snapped at Lauren! Don't you get my point? "

" Woah, okay, _look_. First of all, _calm down,_ second of all, why the fuck does it matter what he's been through? He nearly _hurt_ the girl, Way. Can't you get that in that thick skull of yours? " Miles snapped, agitated by the fact that he couldn't view the entire situation in _his_ perspective. He was, after all, an adamant person one he's settled on a final opinion.

" That's _my_ line, you idiot. You're not even-- _Ugh._ " The last sentence left itself unfinished as a groan ensued. Annoyed, Waylon crosses his arms in frustration and lets heave escape his nose. " You're despicable sometimes. It's so annoying. "

" Well, we all have our flaws. "

He pauses at that one. _He's right._ We all have our flaws. And maybe it was his flaw to be foolish and gullible, too _easy_ to be convinced and tricked into falling into the spider's web. Now that he thinks about it, in this entire situation _he_ was the only one who's thinking that Eddie was far from a villain. Miles clearly does. Lisa? She's probably masking her words to play it cool. Lauren for _sure_ fucking does. But even with the majority thinking so, Waylon thinks otherwise. He's always finding himself _disagreeing_ or wanting to come up with a stupid reason to think otherwise.

A deep sigh escapes him, fingers now clutching into his blond hair. _Why am I thinking like this? What does he matter to me, anyway?_

He means nothing to him. Just an acquaintance. A person he's rarely spoke to. A person who forgot his wallet and he returned it, ensuing a small conversation between them. That's all, nothing more, nothing less, so _why_ did he care so much?

 _It was those eyes._ Those pleading, crying pools of blue that you can swim in. There's an ocean residing within those two damn orbs and in that ocean swam depths and whirlpools that drowned enigmas no one's ever dared to reach. They looked so... Sincere. So lost. If eyes were truly a window to one's soul then inside that window lies a lost, confused and helpless little boy.

_He's overthinking again._

Miles notices this and of course, puts a stop to it. " But oi, listen... That's just my two cents. If you want to think otherwise, whatever, see if I fucking care. " He's so cold around this topic and he doesn't even know why. He's just... _Scared,_ perhaps? No, not for himself, but for _Waylon_ knowing this guy was infamous for doing stupid things. " Just... Just don't do anythng stupid. "

" ... _Hah._ As if I will. " And oh, _believe_ me when I say he _will._

He always does.

Waylon's hand falls from his hair back to the pocket of his hoodie. He looks up at the twinkling stars that gleamed like fairy lights in a dark, isolated room.

The night is cold.

-

The night is cold and so are Eddie's bedsheets.

It was always cold. Sleeping's _always_ been cold ever since he's left his mother's embrace when he turned nine.

The night is old and the insomnia that Eddie's drowned in has decided to strike once again. He can't sleep. He tries to, but he just _can't._

Tonight was not a new night. It's always been like this ever since then, but his _aunt_ who grew in charge of him didn't trust him with sleeping pills despite fearing he might do something with them. More specifically, take _too_ many of them that'll lock him in permanent slumber. Can't blame her, really, because it's _true._

The moonlight that spills from his windows onto his bed serves as a nightlight. He lays across his bed and flips through the pages of the book his professor's gotten him. This was obviously his old copy coming from the neon highlighted words and messy circles with a pencil. Yet, the _artwork_ pages were kept clean and honestly, he can see why it resembled his own style in his teacher's eyes.

He's read this story numerous times already. And like most cliche protags, it ended as one of his _favorites._ But it did confuse him, however ... How most would label this as a _romance_ when it was a _tragedy..._

He couldn't blame them, really. Romeo _and_ Juliet, two partners who end up as star-crossed lovers in fate's tale, would give off a romantic vibe. And maybe it was. The way they longed for each other, the way it grasped a _forbidden_ type of romance yet both perceive to endure the pain just to end up in each other's arms. Albeit it ends in _death,_ and most have called it ... _Beautiful._ When it was not. Death was not beautiful. _Tragedies are not beautiful._

But they romanticize tragedies so much that it ends _up_ as beautiful in the eyes of most.

Eddie would know himself. He grew up living in a tragedy. _He grew up as a fucking tragedy himself._ Nothing but catastrophes and needles pinned into his skin and the marrow in his bones. His hands grip the edges of the book ever so slightly at the infuriating thought.

Everyone deems tragedies as these baroque sculptures with cracks in their eyes and breasts wrapped in the evergreen thorns of red roses that bloom with the color of blood. An aesthetic, picture perfect imagery for _tragedy._ But that was _not_ a tragedy. To live and become a tragedy was _far_ from beautiful and _far_ from anything _perfect._

It was... Revolting. Painful. Disgusting. Yes, suppose you include roses but they wilt in a blink of an eye because there's not even sunlight in your story. Tragedy was to be coiled in barb wire and have it's teeth bite your sheath and pour blood from them, and you'd cry and cry and _cry_ but to no use. You end up hideous, unwanted, a screaming, crying, _imperfect_ storm. And no one would ever call you beautiful. You'd just end up a _mess. Alone._

In his case of roses, they end up as masks into deceiving himself to look _beautiful_ but up to no point.

He swallows the seeds thinking it'll turn him beautiful and _make_ him beautiful outside, but the seeds have grown into his stomach and plunged out of there like a beast that penetrate to his skin and _break_ it. It's crept up to his throat and crawled it's way out of his mouth and grow _thorns_ that drill his flesh and spurt red liquid from them. But you know _what?_ The roses grow anyway and it masks the beast that lies as a prisoner to the roses and thorns that detain it.

And _god,_ let me tell you, is it fucking _painful_ to be beautiful when you're a tragedy.

But in the end that beauty's merely falsified. Those roses will rot and decay and the thorns will grow stiff that it'll be a pain in the ass to remove it. But you have to, for the sake of swallowing those seeds again just to maintain your false persona.

Eddie's hands drags themselves underneath his pillow after they drop the said book. Underneath was his wallet that's held _very_ important stuff other than his money and cards.

In the small pocket where you stick an image was his... _Family._ The birth of a _tragedy_ always deceived itself to be beautiful. _I guess the pain comes at the last part._

They looked so happy. It was a black and white since they couldn't afford colored images too much that time despite the lack of insurance, but Eddie didn't mind. He was a small, jolly boy who's missing a front tooth as he smiled happily in the photo. He was in his mother's arms who smiled so sweetly, who was in the arms of her _husband_ who had a loving smile on his face.

Who knew that these smiles would turn into a grimace, a frown and a _weeping_ one?

Thumb brushes itself over the photo. He misses it. _He misses it so damn much._ Why can't he live and breath in the same time over and over again? Why did he have to _grow up?_

He fishes through the small wallet some more. As usual, it was just his ID, other cards, some money his aunt has provided for him and...

A keychain.

To be more specific, a _cat_ keychain.

He suddenly remembers who owns this. _Waylon._ That boy that reminded him of sunshines and mango popsicles, or maybe that was just his hair. Or at least a pair of it, sides being _brown_ that reminded him of dirt you run on when you play tag or chocolate that's dribbled down on pancakes. That boy was the epitome of literal ... Happiness, perhaps?

He glows with it, or that's what his mind's telling him. He _burns_ with it and shines with it that Eddie absolutely envies that he does. He's the embodiment of happy endings with lively _parks_ and vivid blue skies, as he lives in somber graveyards with dark gray smog.

He's pure, genuine beauty kept in a _boy._

So maybe that's why a tinge of guilt strikes his chest at ... _That._ He didn't know what happened. Didn't even know who he was at that time, but he _knows_ that he was still at fault because the way those eyes stared at him felt like it was eating him alive.

No, not with anger, but with _guilt_ that he's made a hideous dent on something so pure and beautiful. He's probably gained his trust too _quick_ and despite breaking it he was ... Stunned. In complete, utter disbelief that he would actually _do_ such a thing.

Or something relatively close. He doesn't even know what he's thinking. He buries his head in a pillow close by, keychain kept inside his fist.

He'll return this. Maybe. Tomorrow, before class. As a way to apologize perhaps, and there was no reason for him to keep it, anyway.

-

He does not know when he slept exactly, but he knows when he woke up.

Seven thirty-five AM.

He doesn't do anything else but take a bath in the morning, anyway.

_Lies._

The hallways have always been a nightmare for him. Back in the orphanage, he was always the kid who slept immediately after dinner that's why social interactions were almost little to nothing. School, they lined up properly and despite being tall Eddie always managed to be last in line. After that he'd of course, run back to his room and that's that. But here? He's in a crowd where he can't escape. There's eyes thrown at him with neutral, friendy, sometimes _odd_ looks but to his perspective they all looked like the eyes of predators that want to sink their teeth onto him and eat him up. It's always like that in every single social situation he'd go through.

He manages, however. It's day three, a little more practice wouldn't hurt... _Right?_

Deep breaths are taken as he exits the room. There's a rowdy crowd of boys that are playing chase ( and _now_ he's wondering if he's really in college or _middle school_ ), a room left open with what looks like a blonde with his boyfriend, some boy in glasses sitting in the corner playing with his phone and whatnot. The usual, morning view at the boys' dormitory.

The bathroom was pretty far away from his room, so getting there wasn't exactly easy when there were so many _distractions._ But today was a bad day for Eddie it seems because he must not have been paying attention and has accidentally _collided_ with another male as he walks by.

" The fuck?! " The other spits out, glaring at him. The tone had _awfully_ matched and sounded like his father's, profanity and all. " Would it bother to watch where you're going?! "

Anxiety creeps up in his spine, not exactly knowing how to deal with the situation. " A-Ah ... I apologize, darling- It was unintentio- "

" Don't _darling_ me, you fuckin' fag. You probably did it on purpose, didn't you? Wanted to make a move on me? _Is that it?_ " He continued, stepping closer to Eddie and he could only meekly back away despite fear. He could feel hundreds of _eyes_ watching them now despite the conflict, and he swears to _god_ he's losing himself and all words come muffled to his ears despite voices that yell _idiot_ at him have drowned them all out. " Look, big guy, I don't give no shit if you're _bigger_ than my size, but I'm not up for any _gay_ shit up here! "

There's a mantra of _fight_ but they come in whispers. The boy has his fists clenched, brows furrowed and glare burning. Eddie, to many of the others' surprise, looked like a lost puppy who ends up fighting a big, feral hound dog. _Oh, talk about irony._

But then all of the sudden before he could even make the first move, a familiar voice calls the boy's name out as _Andrew_. This 'Andrew' turns to the origin of the voice, and the chanting surrounding them stops.

" H-Hey, Drew! I heard that Miles was calling you. He needs to talk to you. " He smiles nervously, _obviously_ a lie. Turns out it was Waylon, in his messy morning hair and flushed face splattered with freckles. " Uh, I'll take it from here. It's r-really important, you see? "

Andrew buys it, though. Though he doesn't go down without shooting Eddie a single glare that causes him to flinch. Disappointed and peeved sighs from the chanters and a whisper of _dammit_ ensue.

Relieved, Waylon sighs. " Sorry about that...He's a bit ... How do I put this? _Sensitive_ around... Uh, that stuff I guess. " He apologizes for the male, grinning shyly. " I hope he's done no damage. Are you okay? You look like you were going to pass out there. You're not a fighter now, aren't you? "

Eddie blinks, still a bit dazed. " A-Ah... " He finds himself muttering awkwardly, not knowing what to say. From his hands he reveals a small keychain of a cat, handing it over to the other. " ...This is yours, _yes?_ "

And god, Eddie _swears_ that in _that_ exact moment there were stars sprouting in those green-blue eyes of his. Elation forms on his face, exploding like fireworks as a grin erupts on it. He surprisingly swipes it from his hands, looking at it with _overjoyed_ eyes.

" Oh my god, _oh my god!_ " He exclaims, quite literally bouncing with joy. " It's! It's Linnea's gift! _Hae!_ I nearly forgot about this, oh my _god--_ But! It's here now! Oh my god, _oh my god._ " He wasn't able to render his joy into coherent words, and soon enough he finds himself throwing his arms around Eddie's chest and enveloping him for a _hug._ " This... This means a lot to me, Eddie! Thank you _so_ much, you have no idea how much this thing means to me! "

Eddie was too lost in thought to reply or hug back. The happiness that seeps from him from only receiving a _single_ and not to mention small object was... Mesmerizing. _Beautiful._ A ray of sunshine, a sunflower in the meadow. He finds it so wonderful but at the same time _envies_ it.

He returns to himself, however, finally managing to reply as soon as he's let go of him. " I...You're welcome. " He says, shuffling a bit. To think that he's witnessed _that_ part of him... Or whatever that was. How was he still not afraid? How could he still _defend_ him like that? How could he let himself be that _close_ to him after that?

This boy was _truly_ an enigma.

" Waylon, dear... Do you not... " He begins, but there's this lump of fear forming in his throat that he has to swallow before continuing. " Do you not ... _Fear_ me? Assume that I'm a... Killer? After what you saw last night? "

But Waylon looks at him oddly. Does a raspberry with his lips, rolls his eyes as if the answer were _obvious._ " Huh? Of _course_ not. You didn't mean it, didn't you? "

_Did you?_

_**Did you?** _

He doesn't even know himself.

But what he _does_ want to know is, _why?_

_Why does he still approach me after that?_

_Why could he still smile like nothing happened?_

He finds himself taking a step back. " ... _Why?_ "

_Why, why, why?! How could you still? He doesn't even want to approach **himself** , dammit! He doesn't even want to touch himself or look at himself after that! He's morphing into the hideous, disgusting beast that took over his father, yet this boy still manages to lie close to him?! Why?! WHY?! He doesn't understand, he couldn't decipher why, it was confusing and hurting him and making him happy all of the same time, it's vomiting a plethora of emotions over his systems and-_

A hand lands it's way on his own.

A smile. So warm, so bright, the kissing of sunlight on skin. " Because I trust you. "

Only four words and five syllables to answer a mountain of questions.

He's still confused as ever, and Waylon must have noticed.

" I don't think you'd do that on purpose. I mean, you're kind and respectful. I don't think any killer would be that way. They'd be cold and harsh and...Just mean. " He says almost idly, shrugging his shoulders. " I think anger just got the best of you. It always does for the most of us, I can't blame you. I'll admit, when I'm angry, I don't even know myself. And I guess it's the same case with you! Right? You're not a bad person, Eddie. _I know it._ "

He lets go, stepping back. " Well anyway, I have to go. I don't want to miss class, I want to be _early_ even, being a nerd and wanting to get good grades and all. Sorry! " He beams him a smile, probably the afterglow of the return of his keychain. " But I'll see you later, I hope! I want to get to know you better! Bye! "

He waves him goodbye and practically skips away from him, running towards the stairs. Eddie's left stunned, lost for words and mind flying in the clouds and different places.

For some reason, he feels like his happiness is contagious. Suppose they're right, energies are contagious. And the energy of such delight and joy _could_ be contagious too.

And suppose, _suppose_ , in that dark, dark world of Eddie, Waylon could seep in some of that sunlight of his and make _him_ happy, too.

A tiny ray of joy radiates over to him. It's ... An odd feeling. But good. As if it's melting the wires that wrap him.

He wants _more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TR :  
> **
>
>>   
>  _mój anioł / my angel in polish_   
> 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
> i want a beta but then again the unexplainable ~*~*anxiety*~*~ sprouts by the mere thought of it so KJSDSMH it's going to be super independent i guess and me just editing it + the grammarly extension i have
> 
> ALSO GUESS WHO ALSO PLOTTED OUT THE ENTIRE FIC? ME BITCH. usually i write it all down on my phone but i didnt have it so i sent it 2 myself on another acc on twitter. p much like the prince n the wolf, it's going to be LONG i guess and really dramatic + ANGSTY and let me tell u it's kind of gross n i dont approve it in any way. but that by now is already understood (":
> 
> and i just found out im bad w/ describing ghosts/phantoms HFJKSMHMS. eddie's ''dad'' was based off actual canon material, childhood reptile imagery or w/e since they're supposed to represent taboo sexual i forgot im fatigued rn?? ya know what im talking abt. eddie's mom is just the basic ghost that's like. black everything. white eyes and features. u get the point.i'll draw it soo nsKSM
> 
> also for the prose thing, _miiiless!! it's unrealistic!!! roses dont have seeds SILLY_ well ya debra but PLAY ALONG FOR ONCE LET ME BE PRETENTIOUS AND WRITE PROSE,DAMMIT. also ed's up 2 no good, if u cant tell B)
> 
> i need 2 stop rambling sm in the notes. thank u for reading !! srsly ur reviews are the sole reaosn why i kep updatin. ya fav genderless bitch signin' out,


	5. 04 : some call it stalking, i say walking ( just extremely close behind! )

_Waylon Arthur S. Park._

Nineteen years old. Swedish-Korean. An I.T student. Has a little sister named Linnea, a cat named Hae. Graduated from  _Mount Massive High_ as the  _Valedictorian_ with at least five awards, those being him excelling from the subjects Math, Computer, Science, English, and History. Generally an  _all straight A's_ type of guy. Lost his virginity at the age of 17 to some unknown person. Likes to wear those sweaters that had those small holes for your fingers,  _hoodies_ too. His tongue sticks out between the little gap he has between his teeth when he smiles. When bored, draws stars on the myriad of freckles he has on his naked leg. Gets cold too easily. Very close to  _Miles Upshur._ Accidentally falls asleep when he studies sometimes in the library, in where he sits at the very corner where the sun shines. Specifically, the 8th seat starting from the right. He sleeps either burying his head in his sleeves or just face smacked on the book he's reading. Snores lightly. Wakes up nonetheless, after 15 minutes or shorter.

And he is the  _literal_ epitome of the sun itself.

Eddie knows that all too well. He's observed it for the past few days. He has a bright, cordial persona, coming from the eager greets and toothy smiles he offers to almost everyone who greets him. He's deemed to be shy at most times, but other times he's most likely a ray of complete happiness and joy. This contrasts to his  _friend's_ demeanor, however, who often grunts and tucks his hands in his dark jacket's pockets whenever bothered. That him straight out ignoring the person as he puffs smoke from his nose. It's an enigma to Gluskin on how they were friends in the first place.

But that wasn't the point. The point was  _Waylon._ He and his stupid, beautiful smiles. That boy's laugh alone managed to set an entire fire hazard inside of Eddie's chest. It sounded terrible, and  _god_ was it terrible-- But like a forest set aflame, he's managed to wake a part of him up that made him feel ...  _Weird._ Odd. An unexplainable feeling that he couldn't exactly put into the right words.

It was a feeling of extreme  _longing._ No, not longing--  _Craving._ That's more suitable. A yearning, a  _want_ and an absolute need for him to have him for all himself. 

An  _obsession._

And god, is it  _far_ from healthy but do you think a man as desperate as him would even care right now?

Class had just finished for him but for Waylon, it hasn't. He knows where he is. Room 218. He sits somewhere in the middle. No, to be more precise, on the 8th row: 12th chair from the right. He sits up straight opposite of most students who sit with a slouch position or at least with their cheek cupped by their palms. He keeps his bag plumped to his right always, an inch shy away from his foot. Despite the door window being too small, he could not tell if he taps his foot too if he can't concentrate too well, but that shouldn't be much of a big deal now, right? Soon enough, the bell rings and Eddie scurries away from the door as everyone shuffles away from their seats. The monitors from the class are shut down before everyone exits.

Students pour out from the room and Eddie stays right next to a locker as his eyes scan for a blond boy. Waylon, alas, exits the room with his eyes scrutinizing the area. Eddie does not need to guess what or  _who_ he's looking for because his assumption on who is a definite answer. Miles usually stood by his door and they'd walk together.

Apparently, Waylon must have felt Eddie's gaze on him, because their eyes lock and instantly, Eddie had to look away and pretend he wasn't looking ( which was of course,  _dumb,_ because he was caught in the act anyway. )

" Eddie! " He's seen him.  _Fuck._ Eddie turns around only to see Waylon hopping towards him, a bright smile on his face. " Hey! Wasn't able to see you on Wednesday. Did anything happen? "

" Well... "  _Think._ What's a good excuse? He was free on that day, yes, but he's found himself ...  _Oddly_ following him around from afar. He couldn't stop himself from doing so, anyway, but he's studied so much- Scratch that,  _too_ much about his character. " ...I suppose I was unfortunate enough to be tasked with some assignments. " He lies, hand scratching head. " I apologize, dear. "

" Psh! It's fine, it's understandable, anyway. " Waylon reassures.  " Miles is supposed to be here right now. His classes usually end before mine, so he waits outside the door, but he isn't ... I want to get lunch now and tag  _you_ along but... "

 _Yes, I'm aware._ Eddie wanted to say but feared that it might cause the conversation to end quickly. The two were _inseparable_  from Eddie's observations. Kind of irks him on how he's got himself literally _tied_  to the guy.

A voice calls out for the blond's name. The two look over only to see Miles himself walking over to them quite briskly.

" Yo, sorry I'm late, had to do stupid cleaning shit for some reason. " Miles explains, looking directly over at Waylon. His gaze shifts at Eddie and the expression on his face instantly melts to an _intimidating_  look. " ...And _wow,_  you're here. I'd expect you to be in, y'know, _prison._  Since that's where murderers usually ar- "

" Miles! " Waylon sneered, harshly tugging at the sleeve of his jacket. He throws Miles a glare that warns him and Miles only replies with a roll of the eyes. Eddie feels like he was impaled with a rod of guilt, right in the chest. Part of him tells him he's right, another telling him he's _wrong,_  another telling him this guy _definitely_  needs to learn his own business.

Waylon turns over to Eddie and gives him an apologetic smile.  " Nevermind. He can surely be a... " A brief grimace thrown over to his side.  " _Dick_  sometimes, y'know? But hey, maybe you _are_  what you eat. "

" Nice joke, jerk. " Miles sneers. He snorts at it anyway, because it _was_  a clever joke, after all, no point denying that. " Can we just eat already, jeez. I didn't come here to fight with you again. "

" Mhm! Definitely. I wanna tag Eddie along with us now though if you don't mind. " He responds, reverting back to his bouncy demeanor.  " It's alright for you Eddie, right? You don't have anything else to do? "

" ...I suppose so. " Eddie says, shyly looking up at Waylon. Even with the disapproval of his friend, he _still_ wants to talk to him. The blond then gestures the two to follow him and Eddie was about to follow suit, yet was abruptly ceased when a hand grabs his collar and pulls him backward.

Miles, with a threatening glare painted all over his face, looks up at the taller man with his teeth gritted. " Listen, big guy, " He begins with a huff. " I don't care if you're twice my size _or_  if you can literally beat me up to a pulp in a blink of an eye, but I _don't_  trust you. _Especially_  not around Waylon. That guy, as you can see, is fucking _gullible_  and literally so naive sometimes. He's an idiot. And you're obviously one to target _idiots_  as their prey. To summarize this bullshit, stay _away_  from him. Maybe not today to keep things less suspicious, but I'd appreciate it. Got it? "

His breathing's hitched at every word he says. Of course, someone would still remind him of ... _That._  How could they not? He'd do the same thing with his father. Except he'd cower away and hide, not _face_  the risk and his fears, unlike Miles.

But that wasn't him. He wasn't his father. There was no need to do this, he _refuses_  to be labeled as such.

Gently, he removes Miles' hands away from his ivory collar. " I am afraid I've not an idea of what you speak of, darling. " He says. " As I said, that was an outbreak of mine, I did not mean it. I do not see a reason on why I plan to harm your friend as well. "

" Don't fool me with your _darling_  bullshit. Unlike Waylon, I've got my senses together. " He retaliates, snapping his fingers. " I don't have the energy to argue with you. Don't tell Waylon about this, he'll get upset. "

He leaves after just that. Eddie's left on the hallway, mind racing with various things. 

He's ... Not fond of him, isn't he? That's an understatement. But that shouldn't be a reason on why he should stop seeing him.

Nothing but a cockblocker. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like eddie's death scene is literally me except the pole that impaled him is negative thoughts bc i s2g everyday i get crappier and crappier KSMKS 
> 
> anyway sorry for not updating so quickly. i'll try to update more often uwu;;  
> and how did eddie get so much info? a stalker has his ways. he doesn't even realize he's one ffs  
> this is a really short update unu KSFHMSK this story is a mess but i still write it anyway bc guess what debra, i like it B")


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